Americo's Eternal

Got to believe, it's getting better.

2011-12-29T14:06:00.000-08:00

As I was sitting down at the cliched Starbucks to blog today, I wasn't altogether sure what I was going to write about. I needed to get out of the house, that was for sure, cause I know I wasn't going to be able to blog at home, mainly because I have things to get done, and I really wanted to write something today, but again, not sure what I wanted to write about. I order a lemonade iced tea, I sit down, and finish a letter I wrote for my girl. As I was pulling out the laptop, I hear something annoying from the table behind me.

Let me set the scene for you. I'm a writer, it's what I do.

There are three people, two men and a woman. Seem to be about late twenties. One is dressed in a suit, the other semi-casual, I think, I didn't really look at them. The guy in the suit caught my eye, since both times he passed me by, he made eye contact with me. I assume he's thinking of a simpler time when he could wear a Superman t-shirt like mine. Or he's judging me. Regardless, I'm going to say that he's the one who said the line, cause fuck him for judging me, if that is indeed what he was doing. If not, I'm the one judging him for his suit. Mind you, I'm not judging him as a person, just the airs that wearing a suit seems to permeate. That they're in business and they are dressed for business and they're serious about what they have to do. Cause it's business.

I just turned to look, they're all wearing business wear. But I'm still gonna say the guy in who didn't take his suit jacket off is the one who said the line, cause the other two seem like a couple.

As I put the laptop on the table, I hear the "suit" say, "If you reach for the stars, you end up on the moon." My brain stopped to process this. It was said so nonchalantly, thrown out and dismissed as quickly as the calendar "quote of the day" page that he more-than-likely got the quote from and cleverly filed it away as something he could use. Normally this type of cliched "Facebook liking quote" wouldn't bug me. Hell, if I see, hear, or read something good, I'll file it away as awesome shit as well. What bugs me, is that he misquoted it. And it's not just the fact that he misquoted it, we all add our little spins or omit things from recollection. But it's the way he said it. As though somehow landing on the moon is mediocrity.

The quote I know, is as follows.

"Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss it you will land among the stars." - Les Brown

Les is saying have a goal, reach as far as you can. Cause even if you don't achieve it, you're still trying, and that's something stellar.

BUT NEVER STOP! Never stop trying to do the thing you want in life. Life ain't worth living if it ain't lived with worth.

The last couple of months, I've been sick. I had an ear infection, that turned into a stomach bug, that turned back into an ear infection, that turned into a head cold. The thing is, I've never had an ear infection. So before I knew what it was, I was experiencing light-headedness for the first time in my life. And it freaked me the fuck out. I went to the doc's and it calmed me down to find out I wasn't dying and that it'll go away on its own. But what I wasn't aware of was that my brain connected "fear" with being light-headed. Something I didn't find out until a month later when the ear infection came back (turns out it can do that), and I struggled with my very first bout of anxiety. Another thing I never experienced before.

For the first time in my life, I was scared of absolutely nothing. On top of being physically sick, this was a recipe made to attack the shit out of my psyche. And man, did it do a number. It went straight for my Id, conspired with my ego, and laid waste to my super-ego. Needless to say, the man that the waves of bullshit have always crashed and seceded upon was finally taken by the tides.

For a couple of months, I worried when I was going to feel better, and the days that I felt better, I worried about what would happen if I got sick again. Then I started to worry about everything. I am an unpaid writer, the love of my life is half way around the world, and I didn't have the means to come see her this year. I couldn't concentrate on writing. I'd wake up worrying every day that I did nothing, and then fretted every night that I wasted the day. Even the video games I played I couldn't play anymore cause they made me feel anxious. I couldn't watch "Sons of Anarchy" because that was the show I was watching when I felt light-headed and my brain was freaked to feel that again.

Anxiety. The bitch of the brain.

I wanted to be better, I needed to be better. I fought with myself to be better. The brain conquers all, so I can conquer this. But what I didn't realize, what I've come to realize, is that you can't fight the fight, when your brain feels it has lost. Especially when it's your brain you're fighting with. I beat myself by beating myself thinking I was fighting something else.

How did I win? I must've, if I'm writing about it. Truth is, I didn't win. I forfeit the fight. I couldn't force myself to be better, my head had to accept that the anxiety wasn't something that was going to go away by fighting it, but by accepting it. Dealing with it. My brain needed to retrain, rethink, not against anxiety, but with it. The times I would feel it come on, I needed it to come over me and know that it would pass. For this wasn't something to be afraid of, this was a result of irrational fear.

CLARITY! It's only been a couple of weeks. But I have clarity. Peace of mind. There are times when I feel the anxiety creep on, but not to the extent it was, months prior. Nor as strong. My head has linked light-headedness with anxiety, that's something that only time will fix. As days go by, the rock I was builds anew with every wave I encounter. It may have eroded me in parts, but only to reveal sterner stuff.

I have three things to attribute my mental wellness to. My beautiful girl, Ruth. A woman who has dealt with anxiety on a level I never have felt, and whose strength is immeasurable because of it. Without her, I'm sure clarity would still be a long way off for me. The doctor who said, "You're not going to die from being light-headed." I was looking for a quick fix, she convinced me into the long haul solution.

The third thing is what ties this story to the "suit" who has just left with the folks he was talking to.

The sterner stuff that the waves of life can never take away from me. My invulnerable belief that it gets better. Come what may. Even if the anxiety never goes away, even if I am forever a writer with no audience, even if I fail at every single thing I try to achieve. I know, it gets better.

Too many people much smarter than me, so many living creatures that I see do staggeringly amazing things, too many stars that occupy the night sky whose burn is a testament to billions of years that have come before me and the billions that will come after me: They all say and show, that it gets better. I would be foolish to believe otherwise.

Maybe the "suit" got the quote wrong, and didn't mean what it sounded like he meant.

Still. The moon? Fuck that noise. My power ring is charged like a mother fucker and there's a whole Universe out there. Sector 2814 is just the beginning.

Better to be Right or Wrong?

2011-11-04T02:36:00.000-07:00

I like to think that right or wrong, better to have an understanding of someone else than either.

I understand the need to be right, I even understand the need to prove someone wrong. But that's all it really is, it's just a need. Some trivial qualifier that the ego so desperately desires in order to walk away from a situation. We all fall victim to it from time to time. I can't even shake the feeling that in writing this post it is my way of saying I'm right about what is better, or best in life.

Thing is, I don't really feel that's the case here. I don't have to be right about everything, but I do attempt at understanding.

However, the case, more often than not, is that the other person will not, or cannot understand. So the attempt becomes futile.

But is it? I can't accept that. No, to accept that is to accept... Defeat?

I can't accept to be wrong on this? I have to be right on this?

Okay. I'll take it. I have the need to be right on being able to come to terms with someone else. I feel that if I lose that need, I give up on people. And I live with people, so I'm not about to let that happen.

Call it ego. I'll take that too. You wanna say I'm wrong for wanting to be right on understanding?

I'll take that as well. In the words of much smarter folks than I, if this is wrong, then I don't wanna be right.

So... Right or Wrong?

I'll take whichever one I think is better.

- This post took longer than it should have, cause I douched it on my iPad.

Taking stock.

2011-09-12T00:02:00.000-07:00

I turned 35 on the 3rd, and I seriously thought about coming on here and giving my "Baz Luhrmann - Everybody's Free To Wear Sunscreen" impression where I give my two cents on my two cents.

But I realized that's been done to death, and done better by smarter people, most who are dead.

So a sum up, instead.

From what I can tell, it's all a learning experience. Strive to be a better person. Cause the second you stop, it becomes redundant and life loses its meaning.

Do you, cause no one else will, but not at the detriment of someone or something else. For fuck's sake, folks. We're not the only living things on this planet. Give a shit, if for no other reason than because you can.

No need to listen to me. You'll come to your own crossroads. And you'll come to terms to what you find best in life. Be it, crushing your enemies and seeing them driven before you, or just hearing the lamentations of the women. Sometimes both at the same time.

Hopefully more the latter than the former.

Me Chinese... Me No Joke...

2011-08-25T19:47:00.000-07:00

It sounds pretentious, but a good writer writes what he/she knows. This is obvious for incredibly obvious reasons.

But if you'll bear with me. A great writer, writes what he/she has never fucking known.

How do they do this?

In my experience (mind you, I'm not calling myself great), it's when they're asleep.

Dreaming, rather. I've experienced things in there that I can guarantee, no man could ever really experience in real life.

But last night, was one of the rare ones. The ones that come in full stereoscopic smell-o-vision 4D surround sound. Last night, I was killed by the Chinese government.

Now, I've never actually been to China. What I've seen and heard all come from what I've seen and heard from those who have been. So when I tell you that the smell in the air was musty and sweet, and that the hardwood floors felt tacky on account of the humidity; it's not from personal experience.

Thing is, how real things felt is not the interesting part of this story. My parents, myself, and some young girl were in our house as two Chinese officers came into our house. They were asking where my brother was, from what I can tell (as it seems I came into the middle of this dream), he snuck out of China to head to the states. My folks played dumb. They acted like they didn't know, and the junior officer became more frustrated to the point of threatening to shoot my folks. I held the young girl to the side of me as to try to keep her from freaking out from what was about to happen. To all our surprise the senior officer pulled out her gun and shot the junior officer in the head. He falls to the ground.

The woman takes a breath, thinks for a second, and unloads two shots each, into my parents heads, and into the head of the girl, and then, myself. The bullet struck me above my right eye and I think the second bullet grazed my temple. I was still alive. The young girl I failed to protect, fell in front of me. I could see through the bullet hole in her head to the woman standing over us. She was changing clips. As I laid there, I was thinking that she wouldn't notice I was still alive and that when she left, I would be able to get up. To my dismay, she unloaded the fresh clip into our heads.

As the bullets penetrated my skull, I didn't feel any pain. My vision became blurred and the image went from a woman shooting at me, to red, to a blinding white.

And in that spectrum transfer, I felt an emotional shift as well. I went from a little scared to completely calm. As the white around me became brighter. I became aware I was waking up. I tried not to, because there was something there, something between the light and oblivion. It was just starting to take shape. And right at the brink, it stopped. I was awake. I didn't open my eyes because I'd knew that white light would go away, but I knew there was no way I could go back.

Did I dream death? I have no clue. All I can say is that whatever that was, it was one of the most serene feelings I've ever experienced.

And if that's what death is, then all will be well.

Leaving, On A Jet Plane...

2011-07-01T06:29:00.000-07:00

Most folks don't get the chance to take off for three months and just be with the one they love. I consider myself fortunate enough to have had the opportunity to do just that. In twelve hours, I board a plane to head back to San Francisco. I can't begin to tell you how amazing it's been here. I finished up a script that I'm uber excited about. I got to go out with my girl and just have an amazing time just being with her and being able to do normal things. And that, if anything, is the best thing I have here with Ruth, the sense of normalcy, that by her side is where I belong.

Ruth and I have been together for about four amazing years. And thru it all, we have been physically together for about six months and two weeks. We're in what you call, a long distance relationship. You know; that thing people do that you say you would never put yourself thru, but the next thing you know you meet the most incredible person in the world and they just happen to live halfway around the world?

Yeah, I did that.

And I would never take it back. Not the months we were apart, not the heartbreaking day of us separating (which is in about 8 hours for us), not even the times when we didn't know when the next time it was when we were going to see each other. I would take the ups as much as I would take the downs. Cause nothing really worth it ever comes easy.

Sure, it's easier said than done. A lot of folks can't hack it, a lot more think that those of us who do are crazy. And there are those that do who are.

And you know what? Fuck'em.

I don't give a shit what someone thinks of my relationship with someone I've spent less time with physically than I have emotionally.

Hell, I'd rather it be that than the majority of the relationships that are the other way around.

I'm in love. I'm one of the lucky few who get to be in love with someone that unequivocally loves me as much as I love her. Yeah, we got it hard, but fuck me if something as little as 7,488 miles is going to keep me away from her.

We had plans today. We were going to go to the movies, go out for dinner, and spend the night at home.

We ended up just staying home and watching Veronica Mars, and it was so much better doing that than anything else.

Ruth is asleep right now, we get up in about six hours. It's taken everything in me not to burst out crying, just so I can keep her from crying so much.

I love you, babygirl. You know I'll see you soon.

See you Saturday, California. Which is today here in Australia, but because of freaky time traveling, I'll be arriving the day I left.

Noodle that one for a while.

What Day Is Today???

2011-05-28T08:03:00.001-07:00

It's my Babygirl's birthday! There is nothing I can say that I haven't said to her a thousand times over. She knows I love her. She knows how much I appreciate everything that she is and does. She's the mot amazing thing in my life and I am grateful for her.

No, as I am up writing this at 1am, and she sleeps next to me, the best present I can give her right now is to go to bed.

Why you ask? Cause she doesn't like the light from the TV and she just grunted at me for still being up.

So baby, I love you. Happy Birthday, I hope it's a good one. And here's to many more years where I keep you awake at night.

Yours Eternally...

- This post took longer than it should have, cause I douched it on my iPad.

Location:Where men chunder.

Stare into the Abyss long enough...

2011-04-28T06:01:00.001-07:00

And the Abyss stares right back at you. That's what they say, and they're not wrong. We've all experienced it in one form or another. It happens when you take stock, or are stuck, or when it sucks. It's overwhelming for some, the immensity of it all. It's as if you're standing in front of a huge wave, and it is mere moments from engulfing you. What do you do?

I think that every creature on this planet must experience this in some way. A gazelle chased by a lion. The moment the lion gets hold of that gazelle, it does the freakiest thing I can imagine in that moment. It stops struggling. It folds its legs underneath it, and allows itself to get eaten. As if it knows that its life is over, and just accepts it.

There was a story a while back about a beached whale that folks fought to free. Hours later, that whale beached itself again. As if it knew what it was doing.

Humans are the most vocal on this experience, or at the very least, the most understandable to other humans. What do we do when the Abyss stares back at us? Most blink. That wave comes crashing down, and we flinch. And why wouldn't we?

I entertain thoughts of the universe, how the massive cogs turn and what makes them tick. I am humbled, almost frightened by the enormity and the overwhelming knowledge that I will never know how exactly it works.

The Abyss grows.

The thoughts expand. I think of the granule that is our planet, I think of how easily tossed and turned in the cosmos, we are. Without a thought to the life on this small speck.

The Abyss is all I see. What do I do? I smile and welcome the embrace.

I smile because as grand as the universe is, no one but I knows what it feels like when I put on my socks. No one but I knows what it feels like to sit in my favorite spot on Earth, and listen to the city. No one but I knows what it's like to stare into my wife's eyes and watch her smile the smile that she only shares with me.

A time will come when I'm an afterthought in a tale being told by someone who half knew me, but remembers the encounter fondly. A time will come when the Internet does not exist, and this blog dissolves into the ether of the 1's and 0's from whence it came. The time now exists, that across the vast expansion of space, the light of this planet has reached whatever species that decided to look up, and we have been gone for millions of years at this point, but for some alien, he/she wonders if there's life on that twinkle of light. All of a sudden, the Abyss begins to grow in his/her mind.

But I take comfort, that no one but that alien, at that moment, knows what it's like to walk on vapors of clouds. And as we both stare into that Abyss, neither of us blink. We smile.

- This post took longer than it should have, cause I douched it on my iPad.

Location:Down Unda

We Think, Therefore We Are Pretty Smug

2011-03-24T17:25:00.001-07:00

If it came down to it. With the last of humanity dwindling out. A few gathering their possessions, trying to claim some shallow victory in having the most at the end. Others clinging on to whatever vice that appeases their minds. Others still, accepting their fate and welcoming what's to come. And of course, those who refuse to accept the inevitability. When it's all said and done, what is there to say about humanity that should be uttered without sounding condescending?

Our ability to reason is no more grand than a monkey who sits on his left testicle and realizes it hurts and never does it again. Credit to the monkey, humans don't seem to have this understanding and anything on YouTube will lend credence to the fact.

Our material accomplishments are nothing of real note. I've seen ant farms that would put Frank Lloyd Wright to shame. We've broken the sound barrier, we've been in space, we've set foot on another celestial object. Nothing compared to the journey of the monarch butterfly.

Our ability to dream? Now we're getting somewhere. Without it, one can argue that we'd be nowhere near where we are today. But dogs dream. And I bet so does every other animal out there. So again, not necessarily a human endeavor worthy of history.

How about, the fact that we were alive at all? That in the division and unification of cells, atoms, matter; we evolved, struggled, and LIVED. All other species on this planet can make that claim as well, but the question is, can all other planets make the claim to have sentient life?

The ability to be alive and exist may be our only true claim to fame.

We're a species of limited scope. Whether you want to believe it or not. There was a time where we didn't exist, and there will be a time where we will cease. It's the way of things.

But how incredible is it that we are here? We are fascinated by dinosaurs, not just because they existed when we weren't around, but that they're not here in that form anymore. We consistently look for life on other planets because we yearn to learn that we are not the only ones. And honestly, how sad is it to look on a planet with no life?

We see pictures of Mars, a rusted, cold landscape. A desert that mirrors are own. And I think the pictures that excite us the most are the pictures that show the tracks of the Mars rover dotting the surface.

It's because it's life (sort of)! It's movement, it makes the planet less foreign to us. It gives us hope that maybe there's more out there, that when we pass from this homosapien shell, someone or something will look back at us and say, "Hey! Looks like we're not alone."

- This post took longer than it should have, cause I douched it on my iPad.

Location:At a Starbucks in San Pablo

A Red State of Affairs

2011-01-23T15:55:00.000-08:00

Around 4am this morning, I was flipping through the channels, and "Jersey Girl" was on. I was elated, as much as one can be at that hour of the night; for a Kevin Smith film is like a warm blanket to me. The warm, soft, comforting blanket that needs to be washed more oft than it actually does, due to it being substituted as the sex towel in moments of convenience, but that's okay cause there's still that clean side you can put over your face. As I laid there, drifting off to the trials and tribulations of Ollie Trinke, I realized that I made mention I would blog about a Kevin Smith film I had the humbling fortune to watch two months ago. A film that I had not stopped thinking about for two months. A film that I have been excited for since its announcement. A film that I swear is going to change the game the way "Clerks" changed the game for the Indie scene. A film that is the furthest notion of a comforting blanket. If anything, Red State is Kevin Smith tearing away any sense of covers that you may be clinging on to, and exposing the frail, naked, vulnerable truth that we don't want the world to see.

I've always noticed that when most people talk about a "Kevin Smith" film, that they have a hard time separating the man from his work. They confuse the Writer/Director/SModcaster/Twitterer/Q&Aer with what he puts on screen and talk more about the man than the film. I guess I can see their conundrum, Kevin does put a lot of himself in his work, as any good artist would. But when the confusion turns into a dismissal of his work based solely on the fact that his name is attached to the material, that's where I feel these people have checked their brains several doors ago and have never bothered to go back for them.

Thing is, Kevin is one of the most open and honest people I have ever met who happens to make movies, and that is a rarity in a world where we expect celebrities to walk the red carpet, grace our screens, and who we suppose to be good people on the amount of talk shows they show up on. Tom Cruise's alien overlord forbid that a man is more open and honest with his audience in a more personable manner. Even worse, that he be treated with the same respect as any other auteur out there.

Thankfully, at age 40, Kevin has no want of where the puck currently resides. No, Kevin Smith goes to where the puck is going to be. And to continue my borrowed metaphor; like Russ Tyler in "D2: The Mighty Ducks", he knuckle pucks the shit out of it to score. Red State is that knuckle puck. A jarring, relentless, unforgiving shot at the net, and just like Team Iceland, you are so not gonna see it coming.

Let's get the spoiler alert out of the way.

IF YOU DON'T WANT TO READ ANY SPOILERS ABOUT RED STATE NOW WOULD BE A GOOD TIME TO SKIP UNTIL YOU SEE THE BIG LETTERS AGAIN.

That said, let's get what is already known about the movie out of the way. Three teenagers get an invitation online for some good ol' fashioned finger-cuffing. Only to find out that they've run afoul of some good ol' boys and girls who are way too into the good ol' book.

The film starts off normal enough. Not in the typical sense, but in the sense that there's a conversation any mother and son would have on any given day in a car. In fact, establishing this complete sense of normality at the very beginning carries its way through the entire film. And that's where Red State is at its most freakishly scary. The sense that what happens in this movie is a bible thump away from being an every day scenario.

If you've come to watch what people dismiss as a "Kevin Smith film" the beginning lulls you into this sense of comfort. The way the three youths interact on the way to their "date", who's going first, and where, and when, and how, and whose balls aren't going to touch. However, this mermaid's song worked exactly as it was meant to. You didn't notice the jagged rocks along the way, you dismissed the "crazies" as the A-typical crazies along the way and that was your folly. As, quite apparently, the three youths soon find out as they are introduced to the Cooper's Dell Church.

Folks have made the comparison of the fictional "family" of nut jobs in the film to one of the more ludicrously known "families" out there. But truth be told, that's like comparing the band Iron Maiden to the actual iron maiden. One is very loud, but otherwise harmless. The other is fucking scary and has only one function.

Michael Parks is eerie in portraying this idea. The man plays Pastor Abin Cooper like Lex Luthor plays Metropolis. When the man speaks, he hypnotizes you into believing he's a man of reason and compassion. He is cool, calm, and collective. Abin Cooper just happens to be fucking evil, to boot. But unlike Metropolis, there's no Superman here to save the day. Not in these walls. No matter what the sign outside the door says, God does not live here, and it shows. If any ray of light happens to shine through these dark walls, it's that the boys capture does not go unnoticed. And help comes in the guise of an ATF agent played by John Goodman.

John Goodman surpasses his namesake. He is great in this film. He plays an agent who has seen it all. Not an agent who has seen it all and is tired, but all he needs to do is shave his goatee and he can come kick ass one more time, he just needs that one reason too. No, he plays a man who has seen it all and has come to terms with what is out there. He mirrors Cooper in demeanor, so far as to say that if not for the grace of common sense, there goes he.

The cavalry arrives. And it all goes to shit. You would think with the comic relief showing up, that we'd get some sense of levity. Something to say, things are going to be okay. But Smith takes your moment of mirth, and shoots it in the face, literally. This isn't a movie about hope, this isn't a movie about the Good guys VS. the Bad guys. This is Red State, in every way the name implies, other than the political one that most critics can't seem to let go.

And so it goes, any time you think that you might escape this world that too closely resembles ours, you are quickly reminded that there's no escaping reality. That a world awry is only brought about when EVERYONE can come to some kind of understanding. Here lies the horror in Red State. The normality of the situation that I spoke of earlier. This film could easily be a documentary of an event to come. And it terrified me that this is the world that in good conscience, we live in. How one person could treat another. Sure, there's the iron maiden, but that was built to fuck shit up. After this movie, you will never look at cling wrap the same again, I guarantee it.

I've obviously skipped the really good stuff. Anyone who ruins these moments for you is akin to those who got out of the first viewing of Empire Strikes Back and yelled out, Vader is his father, to those in line for the second viewing. They are worth going in blind for. Especially the fucking end credits!

I'm sure there will be a lot of people that will claim that Red State is what happens when religious zealotry goes unchecked. Truth is, that's only half the story here. This is a film that portrays what happens when we faction ourselves off and do away with seeing each other as humans but rather the "thing" we so blindly claim to adhere to. There was a lot of wrong in Red State and a whole lot of folks claiming to be right. Of course, the ones who end up suffering are those who had barely anything to do with any of the transgressions.

End of Spoilers!

As I write this, Red State is being shown for the first time over at Sundance. I envy each and everyone of those people. They are bearing witness to what a filmmaker can do when he says, "I've got a story to tell, and damn it, I'm going to tell it the way I want to." The film gets auctioned off for distribution after the screening. From the twitter ads to the Sundance screening, this has been handled by Kevin Smith on his own terms, and I've never seen the man more elated. Especially, as I type this line, it seems that SModcast Pictures will be releasing the film. Kevin will be releasing Red State in theaters on October 19th, the 17th anniversary of the Clerks release.

Full fucking circle, if you ask me. And I couldn't be happier for the guy. Seems he passed the puck to himself, and there's nothing but a clear shot to the net from here.

Alone Again, Unnaturally

2011-01-09T19:55:00.001-08:00

If my previous posts haven't been clear, for the last three months, I've had my fabulous girl with me. We wined, we dined, we marathoned Buffy and Smallville, an excellent use of our time. We went to L.A. for Thanksgiving, we spent Christmas with my family, we passed out candy for Halloween, kinda, and we went all over the Bay Area.

And yet, it felt like we did absolutely nothing. As if she got here the day before, and then I go and put her on a plane last night.

I assume that's how living life in perfection boils down to; you never notice the passage of time, and the second you try to take stock, the hours and days turned into months and years.

Ruth and I have been doing the long distance thing for three+ years, and you would think that by now, it would be easier to be apart. Unfortunately, it's not the case. It is in fact, the exact opposite.

It's as if you mended your heart, and it heals, and all too soon, you have to rip it in half again and put it on a plane on coach, doped up on NyQuil, telling it you will see it in a couple of months amongst tears.

I highly recommend the experience, at least once in your life, just so you can miss that amazing person in your life.

It's day one of not having her with me. I woke up strangely, I've eaten askewed, and I went to see a bad movie.

This is obviously not conducive to my ability to function. I'll get my footing again I. A couple of days, in the meantime, I'll stumble along in this stupor of missing my wife.

Happily, of course, cause it's the ultimate reminder of how amazing she is for me.

- This post took longer than it should have, cause I douched it on my iPad.

Location:San Pablo Towne Center,San Pablo,United States

January 3rd, 2011

2011-01-03T20:11:00.000-08:00

A new year. And all those with things to sum up their time in the past year give some kind of advice, or share their experience to those who didn't ask for it, but might take heed in something shared, do so, unabashedly and sometimes obliviously.

So here's mine.

Love, with every ounce of your being. Have your heart broken as though you would never recover. Smile at someone because you mean it. Smile at someone just because. Learn something hard. Fail at something even harder, then try it again. Take it easy on the Earth, it's the only one we've got.

Watch this video.

And take a breath. A long one. And remember it's going to get better.

Life, it's a slice of awesome, folks. It truly is.

Location:San Francisco,United States

My Best Friend...

2010-12-05T21:04:00.000-08:00

My dog passed away this week, I can't recall the day. It was Wednesday, I think. Around 5pm in the evening, I saw him sitting on the porch. He usually does that during the day, it seemed a little late for him to do so so late. I dismissed it as him sleeping, but inside, I knew better. At 9pm, my uncle came by to tell me that he was dead.

I had Dino for thirteen years. I recall the day that my grandmother brought him home. Some guy was walking him down the street, my grandmother asked if she could have the dog, he said yes. And that was that. I became responsible for the little guy. I could never keep Dino indoors, so he had to go sleep in an igloo on the back porch. It was warm, but I never liked the idea of a dog so small being an outside dog. But I didn't have a say in the matter as my grandfather didn't want to deal with training him, so that was basically that.

This half dachshund/ half cocker spaniel mix brought a lot of fun times to my life, but I always felt I never gave as much as I received.

Standing over his little frame, frozen. Looking into the eyes that I just cleaned earlier that day (he was producing his own tears anymore, so he had a lot of gunk build up, had to give him medicine each day to clear it up for the last year), the question came into my mind.

Tears welled up in me. Every tear that poor dog could never produce on his own felt like they came out of me in spades. It wasn't cause I felt bad that he was dead, but I wondered, was I good enough for him?

I've had family members and loved ones pass away. And not a tear was shed for them. Not because I was heartless, but because with them, I could point out the good times. With Dino, I could point out the good times, but could he?

He must've. His tail wouldn't have wagged when he saw me, and barked at others. He wouldn't position himself when I sat down next to him so I can get that spot on his back that made his leg go spastic.

Still, that's where the tears came from. That's where the tears still come from.

I assume it's a fraction of what a parent must feel for their child when they go out into the real world. With them, I guess you've got to hope for the best. With Dino, I have to assume that the tail wags for me.

I wrapped him in a towel, and placed him in a plastic bag. I was told to by the vets. I put him in the back of my van, and drove to the Vets, I left him there. Not opting for the option to have his ashes. He wasn't my dog anymore. I left my dog on the porch at 6pm that night, sleeping. That's my good boy.

I swear, if it wasn't for my beautiful fiancé, it would've been a lot harder for me. No words could ever thank her for that.

Last year, I wrote a story on this blog. It was a story with my dog in mind. It's completely apt for this moment.

Love you, Dino. This one's for you little buddy.

Location:San Francisco,United States

The Perfect SMod

2010-11-24T18:10:00.000-08:00

Last night, I witnessed an event that has never occurred. Many will go their whole lives without ever having the opportunity to see a natural phenomenon. I was fortunate enough to see what happens when an unmovable object, an unstoppable object, and an object (contrary to popular belief) not too fat to fly collide in a Castle.

You get Star Fucking With Kevin Smith.

This was my first time at SModCastle, and the stars couldn't have aligned any straighter for me. From the amazing people who were in line with me, to the fucking orgasmic food from the food truck of Tapa Boy (I believe that was the name), things were setting up for a great show. And man, did the universe deliver.

Kevin came out and set up the show for us. This was going to be a unique experience in where we were going to learn more about Neil Gaiman and Amanda Palmer than what Wiki gets wrong about them.

Sure enough, every string of the heart, every elbow with a sense of humor was pulled and banged respectively as Kevin delved into the wonder that is Neil and Amanda which I will from now and all time refer to as Gai-Pal! Probably not.

As if that weren't enough, the Jacks and Jane of some trades had something special in store for us. Amanda Palmer was first up to bat.

Now I should make note, I have heard of Amanda Palmer, I have followed her on Twitter, but I have never heard a song of hers, or have heard her perform. It's just one of those things in life that weirdly works out that way for no other reason than because it did. I would liken the experience to that of a solar eclipse. You would think as a resident of Earth, that you would at least once in your life experience a solar eclipse. But you'd be surprised how many people have never been witness to one. Sure you've seen it on a documentary, and it sure as hell can't look any prettier than it does in the title sequence of the now-cancelled show "Heroes", but nothing can ever compare to the actual experience.

Amanda Palmer was my solar eclipse experience.

She made me laugh, think, and cry in a minute and forty seconds, and left me jaw-dropped. Just like a celestial movement, I couldn't believe it happened, I couldn't believe I was experiencing it, (hell, I couldn't believe this was coming from a ukulele!), but most importantly, I didn't ever want it to end. Most people sing songs, Amanda Palmer lives music. I still have goosebumps after watching her perform Half Jack.

I was left flabbergasted. I felt like someone birthed me. Kevin comes out after her performance and introduces Neil.

What? So soon? I needed a second to catch my breath. I was just given a glimpse into someone's BEING, how the hell are you going to introduce me to someone else right now? How the hell is Neil going to top that?

I'll tell you how, with a glint of his eyes and a smile.

If Amanda Palmer was like experiencing birth, Neil Gaiman is the slap on the ass that allows you to breathe your first breath.

You cannot imagine the joyful rarity there is in hearing a writer read his own work. As much as I can assume that having an audio book of Charlton Heston reading Coraline would be this side of morbidly awesome, no one person could ever read it the way the writer intended it, not truly anyhow.

And Neil delivered. He read a piece that is near and dear to every writer's heart. I believe I laughed louder than anyone in the room when he mentioned the T.V. being on as he wrote. Writers, in general, are recluse creatures, and each has its own methodology in writing, some do it at Starbucks, some do it in a log cabin in winter, and others do it late at night with the T.V. on as a light source and background noise. It was an honor to share this particular trait with Neil.

How does one top off a perfect evening? You do an encore, that's how! But not just any encore, we get a trifecta finish with Neil, Amanda, and Kevin doing an impromptu reading of an excerpt of American Gods.

Amanda ended the evening with one more song. And I filed out more energized than I started out in the evening, still trying to understand what Kevin has just done. He basically laid bare the souls of two incredibly talented individuals for all in the Castle to see, and we were walking away from that as if that was the norm in life. "This was L.A., we do magic for a living", was what was racing through my mind.

But then it hit me. There was magic to be had in this kingdom. There was a new castle, a SMod one at that, that was just as enchanted as any other, and it resided on Santa Monica Boulevard of all places. This was going to be the norm.

This was Star Fucking with Kevin Smith, come back next time, we'll do it all over again.

You Better Super Size your movie for $5 more... Or else...

2010-11-19T01:52:00.000-08:00

I went to the movies this week to go watch Unstoppable. It was an average film with a cast that gelled to well for its own good. Tony Scott was working his clichéd cinematography, but thankfully he dialed back the "writing the dialogue on the screen as it's being said for no apparent reason other than it's a lazy way to drive the point home" thing he does. But I have to thank Tony Scott for this almost-train-wreck film about an almost train wreck, because if it were actually stellar, I may have missed what I found to be more entertaining than the film. Mainly, the way it was shown.

Let me backtrack to two hours before the movie. As Ruth and I walked up to the theater, we did the usual stare and search for the time the movie was showing, even though we checked before we left the house. The movie was playing at the time we thought it was, but then I noticed an in-between time slot that I didn't notice before. It was for the XD extreme digital theater. For $5 dollars more, you get to see a film in "extreme digital".

Again, this is not 3D. But "extreme digital". What's extreme digital you may ask? Well, according to Cinemark, it's a "wall-to-wall screen" (floor to ceiling as well, it seems) and boasts a "custom sound system". You can watch a 2D or 3D film in this theater, it's just... You know... EXTREME when you do. Bottom line, you get an extra ten feet of screen space and some more speakers than you do in the normal theater.

Unstoppable wasn't going to be the movie that was going to sell me on shelling out an extra 5 bucks. As long as it was in focus, that's all I was caring about for this flick.

As we go to our seats, previews are underway. We settle in, and the film starts. Again, nothing unfamiliar. Scott using his fancy cuts to set a tone for the rest of the film. Very pretty cityscapes and things whizzing by, probably trains.

About 30 minutes in, I notice it. At first I thought it was stylized, but as the scenes shifted from news coverage to the narrative, I saw it didn't change. The film was completely letterboxed. Now I'm not talking about black bars on the top and bottom of the screen, I'm talking about a good two feet of screen space all around the movie not being used.

The film was shot in 2.35:1 aspect ratio, so seeing bars at the top and bottom of the screen would have been normal. But bars on the side? That usually only happens as a stylized choice or if you're watching something that was shot in 4:3.

This shit was bugging me. I know the film was shot in 35mm, I could tell, and there were no cigarette burns (little marks on the right corner of the screen signaling the projectionist to switch reels), so I know this was being shown on the digital projector. This was, after all, a digital theater. And then a scary thought occurred to me.

Did they purposely make the film smaller to make their XD extreme digital theaters more appealing?

The thought plagued my mind, even after the movie, I walked around to see if I could find an employee not behind the concession stand that could answer this question for me. I went so far as to ask the person at the information counter, but alas, my lovely girl was hungry, so that was that for the asking.

The questions continued to flow. A digital movie is shown at 1080p in theaters with digital projectors. So a 1080p film in the regular theater vs. a 1080p film in the XD theater should look exactly the same, no?

Wait! Maybe the XD theater uses Sony or JVC's 4k projectors? Those projectors show films at 4096x2160!

Nope, turns out Cinemark theaters are an all BARCO chain, BARCO projectors are 2K projectors (1080p).

So with the only variable being the size of the screen (wall-to-wall and floor-to-ceiling in the XD screens), why would a film that should fit easily, screen edge to screen edge, in the normal theater, have so much unused screen space on the sides?

Aziz Ansari blogged a while back about his fake IMAX experience. Can it be that this is just another tactic used by theaters with no true Imax theaters to make you pay $5 more for the screen size that you should have gotten in the first place?

All I know is, there's one Imax theater in San Francisco, unless the film I'm going to see utilizes all 76x97 feet of screen space, I'm saving my 5 bucks for the already overinflated price of popcorn. Well, $5.75. I get free refills with the bigger one, and I'm totally going to come back after the movie for it, right?

Why I Like Movies

2010-10-13T16:49:00.001-07:00

It's telling the kid behind the counter which film I came to watch, the imagined moment where he judges me for telling him the title of a movie he would never watch. The same created moment when I hand the other kid the ticket that I quietly wish he didn't tear. All reservations disappear as I walk into the theater and the aroma that throws me back to the memories of a much simpler time, washes over me.

And though I would never in my life pay a five hundred percent mark up on popcorn, soda, or a hotdog anywhere else in the known universe; I do so here, happily, without question, and with a smile on my face. Perhaps it's for that blissful, infrequent moment where the popcorn dissolves in a medley of salt and butter on your tongue. Or the snap of a lovingly steamed hotdog with the perfect ratio of condiments to enhance the flavor. All washed down with that frosty, cold beverage that you know is mostly ice, but really don't care because heaven resides on your taste buds at the moment.

As you walk by the arcade, you fall into the cliché of thinking how kids don't know what it's like to truly have an arcade at the movie theater. The handful of games pale in comparison to the game rooms of old. Where the clickety clack of buttons can be heard as someone furiously attempts to pull off a combo, a reversal, or the infrequent "Babality".

As you make your way to the line, reality setting in as you remember that the reason you're not in that sorry excuse of an arcade room is because you have to queue in line now, mom and dad aren't around this time to hold your place. But it's there that the anticipation builds. Conversations are had about the film yet to be seen. Will it be good? Why it will rule? Why it will suck and the only reason why you're going to see it? And the every-so-often person that knows way more than he/she particularly should about the film and drops some mad knowledge on the folks in the line, whether someone asked or not (guilty).

The elation of the line moving. The rush to your seat. Are you a center sitter or aisle sitter? In the back, middle, lower tier? Whichever you decide, as long as it's not the "pit" seats, those are for the people who didn't come here early, and for those who like to crane their necks.

And there it is, the silver screen. As the theater fills, you watch the demographic of people filing in. Surprised to see the curious older couple that are coming in to opening night; annoyed just a tad at the person who brought the baby to the evening show. But you pay no mind, as the lights dim, and fifteen minutes of previews come on. Some funny, some not. Some so long that you wonder to yourself why should you go watch the movie now? And the rare teaser that is way too awesome, in both scale and how incredibly long you have to wait to see it.

The theater dims yet again. A studio logo comes up. And the world around you fades away. As do the worlds of the other occupants who have maximized the theater capacity.

For the the next ninety to one hundred and eighty minutes, you are watching the work, that probably started as a mundane thought that happened to stray across a scribe's mind and caught his attention.

That's why I love movies. Because of the person who laughed too loud, the one who cried, to the one who jumped noticeably more than anyone else. The fevered reaction of a crowd locked in a single emotion, or the lone user who illegally downloaded the movie and is now pressed to get the blu-ray. And if you're incredibly fortunate, twenty five years down the line, a whole new generation is introduced to an idea that you once had a long time ago and thought it would be a great idea to share it with the world.

Sure, there are other mediums that have longevity in their impacts on the world. But none so interactive as to effect an audience at their most open and intimate of circumstances.

And not one that requires you to wear 3-D glasses to do so.

- This post took longer than it should have, cause I douched it on my iPad.

Location:Colma Blvd,South San Francisco,United States

Pull Me Stranger

2010-10-06T19:57:00.001-07:00

When thinking of the forces of nature, one hardly questions their validity or their absolute effects on things in this universe. We all take comfort in the fact that if a tree falls in the woods and no one is around to hear it, at the very least we know that fucker is down for the count. How that poor, former sap(ling) goes down is actually coming into question. At least in space, that is.

Back in the 70's, we launched two probes to study Jupiter, Pioneer 10 and 11. Since then, they have been escaping our solar system, slowing down a bit from the Sun's gravity. But apparently they are slowing down a little more than expected. You can actually call it a small acceleration toward the sun.

This pioneer anomaly; as it's being called, originally I believe the scientific term was "Holy shit! What the fuck is that?", has no explanation whatsoever. Theories are as mundane as a measurement error to as extraordinary as the power of love (okay, that last one was mine).

If it's any explanation in-between, however, it could mean that our understanding of the fundamental forces of nature must change, and that life is not as simple as what goes up, must come down.

Just one more lesson on how whatever we think we know, we really have no idea.

- This post took longer than it should have, cause I douched it on my iPad.

The long and short of it. The long being shorter than it should be.

2010-09-19T23:06:00.001-07:00

It was my birthday earlier this month. I turned 34. It was definitely one of the better birthdays I've ever had. Not just cause of the awesome gift my wife-to-be has given me which is the apparatus that I am currently writing this blog on, but mainly cause of the fact that I am a lucky man to be loved by some amazing people in my life. First and foremost being my girl.

When one does take stock of their lives (usually around milestones such as birthdays) it's easy to be dismissive of the little things that count so much toward making your day just that much better. I have called to wake up my girlfriend everyday for the last 3 years without fail. And today, I looked at my clock several minutes before the alarm that I have set to remind me to caller her went off, and it dawned on me how giddy I get when I know I'm about to call her. Hell, sometimes I can't wait to do so, so I call those couple of minutes sooner just to talk to her.

I am such a child.

But I swear, I would never want to lose that side of me for the world.

So what's my promise for this year? Try not to overlook the little gifts of my life. Especially if it's an iPad.

- This post took longer than it should have, cause I douched it on my iPad.

Location:San Francisco,United States

Triceratops, We Hardly Knew You.

2010-08-08T13:47:00.000-07:00

Images like this one are what captured my imagination as a kid. A tiny little tank like creature with three horns taking on some bad ass T-Rexes.

The Triceratops was my favorite dinosaur growing up. All that arsenal, and a herbivore? Why, that's a leash and some DNA away from being my new best pet! I was sorely disappointed in how underused it was in the film "Jurassic Park". Triceratops could have saved the day at the end! But no, he was just comic relief for a poop joke! Still, it was cool to see.

But like science always tends to do, here they come along with their logic and... Well, science. And they come to tell us that the Triceratops that we have known and loved never really existed. Seems like the Triceratops was nothing more than a juvenile version of a Torosaurus.

What's a Torosaurus? He's the little guy to the left. Looks just like a Triceratops, right? Well, the differences are that as a juvenile the frill on the Torosaurus' head (formerly Triceratops, in case you weren't paying attention) is about six feet long and the horns are pointed back and set above its eyes. As it gets older it "shape-shifts". The horns point forward and the frill over its head grows to about nine feet and ends up with holes in it.

What's interesting to point out is that both species (not anymore, of course) were discovered by the same Othneil Marsh, around the same vicinity in the late 1800's.

What led scientist to this rectifying discovery is that they couldn't seem to find any juvenile Torosaurus footprints, so evidently, their feet also "shape-shifted" as they got older.

To tell you the truth, if someone didn't tell me that one was a Triceratops and the other was a Torosaurus, I would've assumed that they were the same species. But hey, what do I know. I'm not the one with the little brush and pick-axe.

So does this mean that we say goodbye to the name Triceratops? That it will go the way of Pluto no longer referring to it as a planet? That someone's going to have to remake "Jurassic Park" and refer to the big mound of crap as Torosaurus dung?

Actually, no. The Torosaurus name will go away, because the Triceratops name is much more popular. And genus classification forbid, that we'd have to study what a Torosaurus actually is, or was, as the case seems to be.

So fear not dear friends. The Triceratops is dead. Long live the Triceratops!

Back in the U.S.S.R.! The S.R. stands for Spilled Resources

2010-06-17T21:34:00.000-07:00

San Francisco, how I've missed you.

The rest of the country...

What the fuck did you guys do while I was gone?

I'll handle that in another post. I realized I blogged a total of once when I was in Australia. But the truth is, I was enjoying myself with the love of my life, and I could be assed to blog. Who would've thought real life gets in the way of the internet?

How was it? Amazing. Why? Cause of my beautiful fiancee.

Not a day went by where it didn't feel perfect in every way. For years, I've felt like half a person. With her, I finally feel whole. Normal.

The three months there went by so quickly, but was a necessary break from the monotony of my every day with my family. Not that I don't love them, but I needed to clear my head. And who better to do it with the woman I love?

Now that I'm back, and on the "Yay Life" bandwagon, I'm a focused mother fucker. And I can't tell you how good it feels to know what it is you want, and where you're going, and how you're going to get there.

But you know what's better? When you got someone to hold your hand along the way.

I miss you so much, BabyGirl. I'll see you real soon.

Let me count the ways... On one hand.

2010-04-16T05:14:00.000-07:00

She sits next to me. Typing away on her computer as she watches Lost on my request (she's hooked now).

She grabs my leg, telling me in no words at all, "Stop fidgeting your leg or I'll chop it off, drive into the Outback and force feed it down a dingo's throat!"

Then she flashes a look at me, the, "I'm not kidding." look.

And whether she notices it or not, there's a smile with that look. The "I love you, even if your fidgety leg makes me seasick" smile.

She asks me all the time, "Why do you love me?"

I give her the same answer every time. An answer she's never happy with.

It's not that it's not a good answer. It's just that it's an answer she doesn't understand.

So she asks for more reasons. And I offer them, a list as it were of all the things that I love about her.

And like Shakespeare, I can count the ways.

But unlike Shakespeare. I don't like to. Cause I have the perfect reason why I love this woman with every fibre of my being.

I love her cause of her. And all the little things that encompasses her. More things that I could ever say in a lifetime, but all things I could love in this one.

Don't tell her, though.

Cause she'll ask for another reason shortly after.

All Kangaroos Are Left Handed...

2010-04-02T03:37:00.000-07:00

You know why they call this place "The Land Down Unda"?

Because there's a catchy song that uses the phrase in its title, and most people aren't very creative to think up a new name for this amazingly gorgeous place.

I'm opting to call it "The Place That Gets Totally Hosed When It Comes To Buying Anything That Requires A Memory Card Or That Doesn't Run On Vegemite."

Colin Hay is working on the song.

Canberra is in a valley, surrounded by mountains. As a coastal boy, it's a bit disorientating when I try to find my bearings. At least twice I had to remind myself that because I'm so far South, that doesn't mean the sun is looking down on me, judging me, calling me funny names.

I keep trying to remind myself that I have to take notice when I flush the toilet that the water goes the other way. But surprisingly, I don't care to watch. Go figure, I'm a big boy now.

No, rather than constantly taking note of all the comic stereotypes of Australia (and trust me, they do live up to each and everyone), this gorgeous slice of Outback has opened my eyes to a lovely country, with a beautiful topography, excellent food (sans anything Mexican), and laid back demeanor that gives Northern Cali a run for it's docile state.

All this and I have a beautiful woman at my side at all times.

I'd say I've died and I've gone to heaven.

But that can't be right, as I went in the wrong direction.

So I gotta go with Debbie Gibson on this one. Heaven is a place on Earth.

Hey Colin! I think I got a new song title, Debbie gonna sue us though.

Going Beyond Thunderdome.

2010-03-17T01:56:00.000-07:00

Actually, that's not true, I'm going right to Thunderdome. Australia, that is. That's right, this California Warrior will, in less than 24 hours, be on his way to meet the Road Warrior (though I think he actually lives in California, now).

I'll be there for three months will my sweetie.

You can look forward to posts coming at you upside down and flowing counter clockwise.

And making as little sense as all the others I put up.

See you on the flip side.

There and Back Again... A Physicist's Tale

2010-01-24T00:33:00.000-08:00

Burkhard Heim was a physicist who died in 2001 at the ripe old age of 75. Many folks may not know the strange tale of this German scientist's strange climb to obscurity. But soon enough, he may be responsible for getting us to Mars. In 3 hours.

Heim, as a boy, had an ambition. As all children do. Mine was to be Optimus Prime. His was no less eccentric, he wanted to develop a method of space travel.

Heim's history sounds like something out of a comic book. But unlike Barry Allen's lab explosion giving him powers, Heim's accidental lab explosion left him without hands and mostly deaf and blind at the age of 19.

This did not stop Heim. Though he didn't go the super hero route, he did go the mad scientist route. He became an eccentric and a recluse. Going into almost complete isolation to work on his "theory of everything" (yes there is a 'theory of everything' look it up, it's crazy sauce).

But his "man behind the curtain" move did pan out. And today we have Heim's theory.

In a nutshell, it's a collection of ideas about the fundamental laws of physics. He developed a mathematical approach called "Selector calculus" which is based on quantizing spacetime itself.

In non-geek talk? Heim suggests that we could use a very strong magnetic field to push a spacecraft into another dimension. A dimension in where the physical laws that make the speed of light as fast as anything can go don't exist.

Sounds farfetched, right? And many scientists agree it does. But if it's real, it means we could travel to Mars in like 3 hours. To the nearest star in like 3 months.

The kicker?

It seems that the Department of Energy just so happens to have a device that could produce the uber-powerful fields needed to work. The device is called the Z-Machine.

If we are in fact successful in producing these fields, researchers could be testing a working engine within 5 years.

And a man, who you knew nothing about, who's life went unnoticed in a world of Einsteins, Hawkings, and Oppenheimers will finally come to light.

As the man who started our Star Trek.

Not bad for a mad scientist.

A bedtime story...

2010-01-08T03:46:00.000-08:00

“Mountains VS Ocean ”

By:

Americo Alvarenga

There was once a day. It could’ve happened a long time ago. It could’ve been yesterday. It could even be far into the future, but for argument’s sake, let’s just say it was today. There was nothing particularly different about this day than any other day. The Sun rose like it was supposed to. The Flowers bloomed like they’re used to. And Lilly woke up like she always does.

Lilly was a little girl who wasn’t as ordinary as her days were. Sure, Lilly rubbed her eyes to take the sleepiness away in the morning, like you and I do. And yes, Lilly puts on her sandals, one at a time, just like you and I would. But when Lilly steps outside and says, “Good morning”! The Trees, the Flowers, the Sun, the Clouds, all of nature, would answer back.

Lilly loved to talk to all the things around her, they would tell her jokes, they would sing her songs, and they would tell her stories about how things were going on in other parts of the world. As the day carried on, Lilly came to talk to Wind. Everyone gets ecstatic when the Wind comes by, because the wind knows more about what is happening around the world than anyone else. Sure you could talk to the Ocean, and ask it what is going on, but do you know how long it takes to carry a message by wave?

Lilly was very excited about what Wind had to say, it turns out that Shooting Stars were visiting the other side of the world. They were showing up because it was nighttime there, and would arrive to Lilly’s side of the world when it became nighttime for her. Lilly couldn’t contain herself about seeing Shooting Stars, they hardly ever come to visit, and when they do she is usually too tired to stay up to talk to them. She thanks Wind, who was busy making Trees sing, and Lilly starts to hatch a plan.

She walks over to where she can see Sun, and asks Sun for a favor.

“Sun?” She says, “I need you to go down early today.” Sun was surprised, for it was way to early for him to go away. “Sun,” she continued, “I must see the Shooting Stars tonight, and if you go to sleep now, I can be awake longer to see them. Sun felt a little sad, because it seemed that Lilly forgot that he was a Star too, only he wasn’t as flashy as Shooting Stars. Sun agreed, but only if Lilly let him stay up longer and shine brighter tomorrow to make up for it. She said yes.

Sun started to go down, and it started to grow dark. Lilly started to get happy but she soon realized she couldn’t see any stars. Clouds were still out.

“Clouds!” Lilly exclaimed. “I need you to go away.” Clouds felt quite sad being talked to in this way. Clouds feelings were easily hurt, but Lilly didn’t notice. Cloud quietly slipped away, and the night sky opened up.

Sparkling stars could be seen clearly now, and Lilly couldn’t wait till Shooting Stars came. But things still weren’t perfect for Lilly. Lilly was easily distracted by the Trees moving to and fro in the night; she asked Trees to leave. Lilly then asked Mountains to move back so she could see more into the horizon. Mountains did. Soon nothing was left around Lilly but her, her house, and the night sky.

And then with a zip, the first shooting star showed up. Lilly yelled, “Hello!” as more and more of them began to appear and light up the night sky. But Shooting Stars quickly became confused.

“Lilly?” Shooting Stars asked, “Where is everyone? Where are Trees? Where are Mountains? And where is our brother Sun?” Lilly explained that she asked everyone to go away so that she could see Shooting Stars tonight. Shootings Stars was very sad by this.

“Oh, Lilly.” Shootings Stars said, “We travel very far and very long, and we rarely come to visit. But when we do, we’re happy to come see you, Lilly, but not only you. You see, nowhere else in this great big Universe can we see Trees. We’ve seen Mountains sure, but not as pretty as they are here. And Clouds here are so fluffy and white, we love swimming through them when we visit here. And to tell you the truth, without all these things that make your world so special, I really don’t think we can stay.”

Lilly listened quietly to Shooting Stars words, and one by one, they all went away. Soon, the night was clear again, and as far as the eye could see, there was nothing around for her to talk to. Flowers were close, but they fell asleep as soon as Sun went away. Lilly was wide-awake, and did not know what to do. So she sat near Flowers, hoping that when Sun came back, she would have someone to talk to. Many hours went by, and Lilly finally fell asleep.

When the Sun came back, he came back strong. Sun had so much energy that he shone very bright and hot. Lilly asked if he could turn it down a bit, but the Sun reminded her about her promise yesterday. She agreed it was only fair, and went inside. Soon she heard crying from outside, and Flowers were calling for her. They asked Lilly for water, but she had none. She looked for Clouds who usually bring the water, but they were nowhere to be seen. Even Mountains who could form a stream or a creek was still gone. She even realized that Trees was still absent, as Trees usually kept her cool when Sun was having fun.

“Oh Flowers,” Lilly says, “I made such a mess of things. I was so selfish to see Shootings Stars last night that I asked my friends who always take care of me to go away. If I could just tell them that I’m sorry, if I could just tell them that I’ll never let them go away again, if I could just let them know that this time I’ll take care of them…” Lilly went quiet. She was too hot to continue, and sat next to Flowers to try to shade them from Sun.

All of a sudden, she saw Flowers’ petals move, and she felt a soft, cool breeze on her face. She looked up, and saw that Winds had been listening high above her, and following Winds down was Clouds. Lilly jumped up for joy as she called out Clouds. Clouds rumbled and brought down rain for Lilly and Flowers. Lilly was happy that Flowers was getting something to drink, and thanked Clouds so much. She was about to go inside her home, so as not to get wet when she realized that she was being shaded. When she looked up, she saw that Trees was covering her with its leaves. Winds explained to her that she heard everything she said and quickly told everyone what she had said.

Lilly thanked Winds for listening to her, and promised to never take her friends for granted ever again. Lilly sat contently under Trees and waved at Mountains as they came rolling back from the horizon. Mountains, of course, being slower than Ocean’s waves.

THE END

On a side note...

2010-01-03T00:03:00.000-08:00

Oh, by the by. It's a new year.

And just an FYI...

IT'S NOT A NEW DECADE! IT'S THE LAST YEAR OF THIS DECADE!

New one starts next year, folks.

Enjoy this one.

Free Spirit. The rover, not the immortal soul. Though free that too.

2010-01-02T22:16:00.000-08:00

Today (January 3rd), Nasa's Mars rover, Spirit, will mark its six year, unfathomable stay on the surface of the red planet. Intended to only be operational for three months, Spirit, and its twin, Opportunity (who will celebrate its six year mark on the 24th), have gone well beyond their limits bringing back contrary views of Mars. While Opportunity has documented a wet and acidic Mars, Spirit, halfway around the world has had a completely different experience encountering a steamy and violent environment.

But all does not bode well for the little rover that "does, kinda". Nine months ago, Spirit's wheel broke through a crusty patch of surface and found itself stuck in some very loose sand. In 2006, Spirit's right wheel stopped working, which has met the rover, trying to get out of its sandtrap, with a mid-nities colloquialism, "Psych!" With four or possibly five wheels working (the sixth comes in at random), it has only made the poor little rover sink deeper into the sand.

If the little guy can't come out of the trap soon, NASA's focus is going to switch from mobility to preservation. Autumn is coming in the southern hemisphere, and with it brings less daylight. Spirit is tilted five degrees south where it sits. The winter sun at this time is coming up low in the northern sky. As we have all learned from watching Wall-E, this is unfavorable conditions for its solar panels, which might not collect enough solar energy, and could force Spirit to power down completely.

But why bother, you may ask, since the rover is stuck, its pretty much useless, no?

No! You ignorant, pea-brained, yet handsome readers of my blog who I will hope continue to do-so even after I brought into question the scale of your cerebrum.

In fact, Spirit can still perform its duties and more in its stuck position. It can study the deposit that its spinning wheel can kick up, it can study the interior of Mars by using radio transmissions to measure the wobble of the planet's axis of rotation, something it couldn't do while mobile (Take that! Opportunity and your functioning six wheels).

For now, we sit and wait. And applaud the valiant spirit of the rover with the same monicker. Six years of passing along to us new-found knowledge of another world along with the cool shots of a Martian landscape, and with the potential of giving us new material in its immobile state. You've gone far and beyond, little guy. Literally.

Happy six years on Mars!

It's a countdown, not a final one, though.

2009-12-17T21:46:00.001-08:00

It's official. In 3 months, I will... Officially, be in a land down unda. And for 3 months I'll be traveling in a fried combie, on a hippie trail head full of zombie. There, I'll meet a strange (but pretty) lady. I may be nervous, but she'll take me in and give me breakfast. And I'll say...

You know the rest.

Will I be saving babies from dingoes? Will I be going beyond thunderdome? Will I be putting shrimps on BarBees? I know for a fact that I'll be going to an Outback Steakhouse. If only for the Bloomin' Onion.

Oh, and I'll be with the woman I love, but that's neither here nor there...

Aussie Fries!!!

Can you tell me how to get...

2009-12-03T19:47:00.000-08:00

Imagine this. 1966. You're at a dinner party, someone comes up to you and a few others, and asks you to find ways to, "master the addictive qualities of television and do something good with them". Two years of research and funding, you develop the Children's Television Workshop. A year later, after settling upon a name they like the least, Sesame Street airs on November 10th, 1969.

Author Malcolm Gladwell has said,

"Sesame Street was built around a single, breakthrough insight: that if you can hold the attention of children, you can educate them."

Believe it or not, boys and girls. There was a time, and there were people in this time, whose primary focus was the betterment of our children.

Sesame Street was a blur for me as a kid, but I do recall key moments. Not necessarily of the show, but moments that impacted me. The death of Mr. Hooper was one. As a kid, I understood the difference between reality and fantasy. So it didn't make sense that they would kill off someone on Sesame Street. But when I learned (don't ask me how) that the actor Will Lee actually died, and that they killed of the character of Mr. Hooper as well in the show to teach kids about death. I got my first lesson of art imitating life.

And that was one of the brilliant aspects about Sesame Street. There willingness to push the envelope, not just in learning, but teaching. Teaching kids about death, about siblings and how being the older one you're more responsible, learning about interesting jobs (there's a part of me that still wants to drive a bus!!!), and learning about the world around us. Not many shows can claim the impact that Sesame Street has had/has, and not any can claim they have done so with Muppets.

Besides The Muppet Show, of course.

Forty years later, what can be said? The show is going on strong. This year they'll be focusing on nature, and Cookie Monster has gotten over the whole "he doesn't eat cookies, anymore" controversy. And I couldn't be more ecstatic that I can still show my children a place on television where learning hasn't been dumbed down to colossally retarded levels, and that the show can be brought to them by the letters F and U.

So, may we still have sunny days, may we continue to keep sweepin' the clouds away. May kids continue to be wowed, wondered, and welcomed on the way to where the air is sweet.

Please folks, tell them and others how to get to Sesame Street.

No google mapping it! Lazy bastards.

133 Days, and counting...

2009-11-04T22:59:00.000-08:00

There are days people have in their lives, that seem like the slate has gone clean. That their life is ready to restart no matter where they are in their current situation.

I've felt like that on few occasions. In 1997, I switched my major in college from Fine Arts, to Films. It felt like I began a new avenue in my life, and even though I invested time and effort in my previous endeavor, I knew that that choice was the right one for me.

Years later, I look back on that decision and see how right I was.

Two and a half years ago, I fell in love with a woman. She quickly became my world and every day since has been my love.

We had every advantage that two people in love have and neglect. I made my damnedest effort to never take for granted what we have. We're blessed with all this, and are half a world apart.

That is until 12 days ago. When the love of my life, was in my arms. And two and a half years of being apart disappeared, and a new day started.

Going into how amazing everything has been would seem like the standard fanfare for any couple.

Yes, everything was awesome, yes we gave each other long-loving looks. We went places, we did things, and above all we were together.

But not one thing felt new. I felt like I've been doing this with my girl since the day I met her. And I realized, it's true.

I'm on the phone/comp/vid with her like 5-8 hours a day. I talk to her throughout the entire day, wherever she goes, I hear about it, and I feel like I'm there. Wherever I go, likewise.

I have loved my girl, more and more, each and every day. And 12 days ago, I continued to love her more and more.

Only now, it feels like the sun shines on something new. It's not our love, cause our love is the same; stronger, if anything, but the same passion. The thing that's new seems to be something that I felt on the last day she was here.

We were in tears. The both of us throughout the day. If I looked at her a certain way, she would tear up. If I looked at the side of the bed she was laying on, I would tear up.

Almost 3 years of loving this woman, and the thing that I'm finding joy and sadness in is how much I miss her.

I now miss doing things with her. The mundane, the special event, the just sitting around.

I miss my girl, with all my heart. And I'm filled with such joy that I could miss someone so much.

My new day has begun. And it starts with me not wanting to ever be apart from my girl ever again.

In 133 days, her and I get that much closer to making it a fact.

What Did You Do Today?

2009-09-16T23:53:00.001-07:00

...Oh, nothing much. Just discovered the FIRST rocky planet outside our solar system!

Wish you could say that, no? Likewise.

But it is confirmed. Scientists have confirmed today the first "Earthlike" planet outside our solar system.

I use the term "Earthlike" loosely. It is to say that it has a similar composition as Earth, but its environment is pretty much what would've happened if Sauron would've gotten his ring back. Very Mordorish what with the proximity to the star it encircles. A year there is less than a day here.

But it's only one side that gets the devil's ass crack treatment. The planet itself doesn't revolve on its axis. So one side is always facing the star. Making it a molten landscape on the day side, and Hoth fucking cold on the other, with a chance of ice on the night side.

What makes this planet so puzzling to astronomers is that they never expected to find a rocky planet so close to a star.

They discovered CoRoT-7b (named after the satellite that discovered it which; believe it or not, was sent up to discover rocky planets) last year, but it took them this long to determine the make and model of the planet which is about 5 times Earth's mass and under twice as large in circumference.

At least 42 scientists at 17 institutions on three different continents worked on the project.

Which has lend credence to the joke, how many scientists in how many places does it take to determine the composition of a newly found planet?

Granted it's not a really funny joke. But what do you want from them?

Back off, man! They're scientists.

"And In The End, The Love You Take, Is Equal To The Love...

2009-09-14T00:29:00.000-07:00

...You Make."

This is the last lyric, on the last album The Beatles recorded ("Let It Be" was the last album released, but it was recorded earlier).

It is also the last song you get to play on The Beatles Rock Band game. For those of you not in the know, Rock Band has released a Beatles version of their rhythm based video games.

You would think with the saturation of Guitar Hero iterations and two Rock Band games that this would just be another installment to add to a gamer's library.

You would be stupid.

I typically don't blog about video games, if you glance to your right in this blog, you'll notice that I do enjoy video games, and I'm quite fond of a few of them (Fallout 3 is one of the best games I've ever played). But I rarely, if ever, blog about them.

That's why I am exceptionally excited about talking about The Beatles Rock Band.

Now saying that I'm a Beatles fan is saying that I own their music, appreciate the band for their influence in everything, and groove to them whenever a song of theirs happens to come on.

But this game has made me a much greater fan of The Beatles themselves. A fan of Ringo's drums, of Harrison's guitar, and Lennon and McCartney's singing and songwriting.

The story of the game takes on a linear progression as you play as the Fab Four throughout their stellar career. From their start in England.

The Ed Sullivan Show.

Their studio sessions.

And even their rooftop performance at 3 Savile Row.

Just playing as the Fab 4 in these environments would be awesome on its own. The songs that were made for each venue plays as a music video, taken from the actual performances. You're not the 5th Beatle. You're Paul, or George, or John, or Ringo (by the way, Ringo is probably the hardest to play in the game, his drums are awesome).

But what about the studio sessions? Would it not be boring just seeing 4 guys sitting around playing great music? It might be. It's why they opted to take each of their songs and you, for an amazing ride for the senses.

Here Comes The Sun? It sure as hell does.

I've played rhythm games before, and I found myself messing up on The Beatles version, not because the songs were difficult to play. But because I was so caught up in what I was watching that I took my eyes off the track. I could just sit and watch someone play the songs to see the cinematic awesomeness that went into the game. Check out the awesome videos for yourself.

The Beatles Rock Band is a game that truly takes you on that magical mystery tour. Along the way, you grow with The Beatles in song and experience. You're almost left saddened by the fact that a band as impactful as The Beatles will more than likely never grace us again within our lifetime.

And as depressing as that might seem. A faint horn will sound, an electric guitar will strum in the distance, a band will come into harmony, and you'll remember. You can come and join Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Heart's Club Band any time you wish.

The Beatles flashed bright and strong for a decade. To this day, their star hasn't lost any of its luster. I was lucky enough to take notice of them early on as a kid. With the release of this game, I've come to find a new appreciation for the music that these lads from Liverpool graced us with.

I hope that the game will introduce a new generation to incredibly well made music. In fact, I was playing last night, and I heard my cousin today singing a line from "Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds".

It's a start, no?

Don't Want To Be An American Idiot. At Least, Not One More.

2009-09-08T01:52:00.000-07:00

"In the first place God made idiots. This was for practice. Then he made school boards."

- Mark Twain.

I thank my parents for few things in my life. But the most important one I attribute completely to them is my education. My folks made education a priority in my life. So much so, that they worked themselves hard so that they would keep me in good schools while I was growing up.

It may have thrown them off when I chose to write fiction and draw comic book heroes as a kid as opposed to studying to be a doctor. But as I got older, I believe they noticed something that they thought I missed out on. They noticed that their son was intelligent.

Now, it may come off as conceited, but in all honesty, I value my education, and I'm completely humbled by all that I have still to learn.

Even in high school, I enjoyed my intelligence, it made me a bit of a smart ass, but regardless, I was fond of learning. And what I didn't know, I went to learn it on my own.

So when I hear that President Obama wanted to give a speech to the kids of America about education, my reaction was, "Rock on! Kids are stupid today, and I missed out on hearing Reagan, Bush, and Clinton's speech back in high school."

But my joy lasted about two mouse clicks. And I begin to read that there is opposition to Obama's speech to children.

*At this time, the author of this blog would like to convey that at that moment, he would've liked to have opened his window, take out his megaphone, set it to moron mode, so that morons are the only ones who can hear it, and in a hearty and clear voice, exclaims, "ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?"*

Now, I'm not one for politicians, and as much as I am a fan of Obama, he is a politician, and as Plato once said,

"Those who are too smart to engage in politics are punished by being governed by those who are dumber."

So I started to read Obama's speech, to see if those who oppose this speech have any leg to stand on. You remember Lieutenant Dan in Forest Gump? You remember when he got his legs blown off? And for like half the movie he had no legs, but at the end he gets "magic legs"?

Yeah, they don't even have those "magic legs" to stand on.

The speech, for those not in the know, is an incredibly well written, articulate, and poignant speech on the responsibility students have to their own education.

Anyone else who thinks otherwise has checked their brain at the door to life.

And as appalled as I was, I was letting it slide. I was chocking it up to yet another thing the assholes who occupy this country have against a democratic president.

But I started to realize something. Obama has been doing the same thing. He's been giving, and trying, and working with the opposition to come to a plane of understanding so that both parties can push forward. A lot of folks attribute him to Lincoln for his stance.

And as this thinking mulled over in my mind, the next day, the president gives a speech on health care reform to Congress. Things were going fine, then the Republican politician for South Carolina, Joe Wilson acts like a complete and utter asshole.

Joe Wilson seems to have a penchant for putting his foot so far down his mouth that he uses his ass as a leg warmer.

In 2002, when discussing weapons of mass destruction, Bob Filner pointed out that the US provided Iraq with biological and chemical weapons technology in the 1980s, Wilson falsely claimed that it was "made up" and commented to Filner "This hatred of America by some people is just outrageous. And you need to get over that." Wilson apologized for his remarks in statements to the press.

In 2003, Essie Mae Washington-Williams revealed that she was the illegitimate daughter of Wilson's former employer, the late Senator Strom Thurmond. Good Ol' Wilson was among those who publicly doubted her claim. Wilson said even if her story was true, she should not have revealed it because "it's a smear" on Thurmond's image and was a way to "diminish" Thurmond's legacy. After Thurmond's family acknowledged the truth of Washington-Williams' revelation, Wilson apologized but said that he still thought that she should not have revealed that Thurmond was her father.

Fast forward to yesterday. During Obama's speech, Wilson bellows out, "You lie." He of course apologizes the next day, not of his own accord, but because his party asked him to.

Now presidents are no strangers, to booing or hissing or even the occasional shoe (though that guy kinda deserved it). But an out and out "You lie." Inexcusable, especially from someone who sits in Congress.

Obama has accepted his apology, being the bigger man.

I, for one, am tired of him having to constantly be the bigger man. And I'm also tired of making excuses for those who are against Obama.

These people don't hate on him cause of his views. They hate on him cause he's Black.

There, I said it. And I can give a rat's ass who wants to give me their two cents on why that may not be the case.

Ignorant sons of bitches look at the color of his skin and no further. They call him a socialist, Un-American, and even a terrorist (really?).

But you know what they're really saying?

Nigger! Nigger! Nigger!

"Oh, no." You might say. "That's such a terrible word, they're not saying that."

You're right, it's a terrible word. So they're changing the meanings of other words. Words that don't mean "nigger" in the definition, but they're sure as hell implying it.

It's sickening. I tried to overlook that fact. I assumed since we got a Black guy as president, that it means we as a country have finally gone color blind, at least a little.

I fooled myself with the ideal that we could grow. That we could see what a man with intelligence would do if he was the leader of this country.

Even those that have made the comparison of Obama to Lincoln can't say that it's not a bit racist. Making the comparison to a guy who freed the slaves because he's Black? Come on.

I like to think that it was Lincoln's partisan policies that people like to make the comparison. But I know I'm lying to myself. At least about the majority.

Well, if the comparison is going to be made. May I say, President Obama, it's time to stop reaching over the table to shake their hand. In the words of Lincoln.

"If I were to try to read, much less answer, all the attacks made on me, this shop might as well be closed for any other business. I do the very best I know how - the very best I can; and I mean to keep doing so until the end. If the end brings me out all right, what's said against me won't amount to anything. If the end brings me out wrong, ten angels swearing I was right would make no difference."

The gloves need to come off. You are the President of The United States. You have shown the world, not show your people.

(And by your people I mean the American people, not... You know...)

September 3rd, 1976

2009-09-02T23:35:00.000-07:00

The Viking 2 mission was part of the Viking program to Mars, and consisted of an orbiter and a lander essentially identical to that of the Viking 1 mission. The Viking 2 lander operated on the surface for 1,281 Mars days and was turned off on 11 April 1980 when its batteries failed. The orbiter worked until 25 July 1978, returning almost 16,000 images in 706 orbits around Mars.

The craft was launched on September 9, 1975. Following launch using a Titan/Centaur launch vehicle and a 333 day cruise to Mars, the Viking 2 Orbiter began returning global images of Mars prior to orbit insertion. The orbiter was inserted into a 1500 x 33,000 km, 24.6 h Mars orbit on August 7, 1976 and trimmed to a 27.3 h site certification orbit with a periapsis of 1499 km and an inclination of 55.2 degrees on 9 August. Imaging of candidate sites was begun and the landing site was selected based on these pictures and the images returned by the Viking 1 Orbiter. The lander separated from the orbiter on September 3, 1976 at 22:37:50 UT and landed at Utopia Planitia.

The lander and its aeroshell separated from the orbiter on 3 September 19:39:59 UT. At the time of separation, the lander was orbiting at about 4 km/s. After separation, rockets fired to begin lander deorbit. After a few hours, at about 300 km attitude, the lander was reoriented for entry. The aeroshell with its ablative heat shield slowed the craft as it plunged through the atmosphere.

The Viking 2 Lander touched down about 200 km west of the crater Mie in Utopia Planitia at 48.269° N 225.990° W at an altitude of 4.23 km relative to a reference ellipsoid with an equatorial radius of 3397.2 km and a flattening of 0.0105 (47.967°N, 225.737° W planetographic) at 22:58:20 UT (9:49:05 a.m. local Mars time).

And it took this picture.

This rocky panoramic scene is the second picture of the Martian surface that was taken by Viking Lander 2 shortly after touchdown on September 3 at 3:58 PM PDT (Earth received time). The site is on a northern plain of Mars, at about 48 N. Lat., 226 W. Long., known as Utopia Planitia.

The Viking 2 lander operated on the surface for 1281 sols and was turned off on April 11, 1980 when its batteries failed.

Also, on September 3rd @ 8:14am, I was born.

To share a day with something that has captivated me my entire life is truly an honor and humbling.

Mark Twain believed that his life was tied to Halley's Comet. He said,

It will be the greatest disappointment of my life if I don't go out with Halley's Comet. The Almighty has said, no doubt: "Now here are these two unaccountable freaks; they came in together, they must go out together."

Mr. Clemens, to take a page out of your book, and take it the one step further that I am sure you wish you could've gone were it not for being born too soon in history.

I was born the day this picture was taken. The universe and all of its wonders have since inspired me my whole life in everything I do. It only stands to reason (if it only stands as reason to me) that I will make the journey to Mars, and I will come to rest on Utopia Planitia.

A galaxy far, far away

2009-08-13T00:40:00.000-07:00

Space, it's huge. That is an understatement. If you were to take a pebble from a beach once every hundred years, until that beach is empty. That would give you some kind of idea of the vastness of all the stars that fill the sky.

The Hubble is the most sophisticated telescope man has ever built. With it we have seen such beautiful images that we otherwise could have never seen from Earth. So in 2004, some astronomers found it a bit odd that for eleven days they were going to point the Hubble to a patch of space that had nothing in it. Completely black. Or so we thought. The video below is what became of that image we took.

You feel small? Did you question your existence? Did you see the last galaxy? The object that is 10,000 galaxies away, the furthest thing that we have ever seen, that is traveling faster than the speed of light?

That existed thirteen billion years ago? That's right, that galaxy is no longer there, at least not in that position of space, it was there thirteen billion years ago. It took the light from that part of the universe thirteen billion years to reach Earth. Light, that we assumed wasn't there when we looked at that part of space.

How wrong we are about so many, many things. We fumble, we stumble, we confuse, and destroy.

But sometimes, just sometimes. We get things awesomely right.

Here's to humanity. May its successes outweigh its misfortunes.

Jeff, the Food Dude SF visits The Sandwich Place

2009-07-25T22:03:00.000-07:00

A local SF blogger has taken it upon himself to go out and taste the great cuisine of our fair city. Oh, and he's brought a camera along for fun.

Well apparently he stumbled across my grandmother's deli, The Sandwich Place.

Much love to Jeff for putting out a great video, and check out the rest of this guy's voyage into local culinary delights over at his site. Food Dude SF

July 20th 1969... 40 years later.

2009-07-20T00:42:00.000-07:00

When the Eagle landed on the moon, I was speechless -- overwhelmed, like most of the world. Couldn't say a word. I think all I said was, "Wow! Jeez!" Not exactly immortal. Well, I was nothing if not human.

- Walter Cronkite R.I.P.

"Houston, Tranquility Base here. The Eagle has landed."

Forty years ago today, those words were uttered. Not here on Earth. But by a man named Neil Armstrong, about 238,857 miles away on The Moon.

Little that we do as a species can culminate in the positive column for the advancement of our species. Most everything we do if at all good is usually done as either an afterthought or as a result of a consequence that needed to be rectified.

Some say that the moon landing was a selfish act of a government trying to distract a nation from it's problems. Well, I say they're cynics and, hey look! There's a puppy you can go kick.

Us, and I do mean the human race, breaking through the pull of Earth's gravity to reach our closest celestial neighbor was at the very least an astronomical feat.

It shows what we can do if we truly come together and make a valiant effort.

As a species we can be such a destructive force when we don't put our best foot forward and utilize the albeit rare quality of humanity that we so proudly claim to have. But it's on those rarest occasions when we dust off our humanity and shine brighter than the stars we strive to reach, it's those times that keep my faith in us resolute.

Forty years later, we are on our way back to The Moon. A new mission, a renewed hope.

Before we asked the question "Can we?"

Today, thanks to our dreams and ambitions, we can answer truthfully, "Of course we should."

I'm Back! And I have brought you nothing but this post.

2009-07-16T01:20:00.000-07:00

For the last 5 months (give or take), I haven't had the opportunity to write, due to my grandfather being out of commission. I have had to wake up at 4:30am every day. Which cut into my writing time which is the evenings until around 4am. I rarely get a chance to write during the day due to errands and whatnot, so night was all I had. That was, of course up until 5 months ago.

Now the kicker was, that I couldn't for the life of me change my sleeping schedule, which again, is around 4am, and I tried everything short of drugs to go to sleep earlier, the best I could do was 3. So on the average, for 6 days out of the week, I got an hour's worth of sleep at night. The turn around was that I was able to come back home around 8am, and from there I slept in to about 11am if I was lucky. That precious 3 hours was all I had to keep me going through the day, that and large amounts of caffeine (which I'm currently detoxing myself from).

Needless to say, I felt like the walking dead. My brain was fried, and the little I did write drained and sickened me.

That is up until last week. When I finally got my groove back. Man, how I missed sleep, but more to the point, how I missed having my nights back for my creative juices to flow. And man are they flowing.

So stay tuned folks, the man is back, and he is full of piss and vinegar. They say it's a medical condition and I'm taking pills for it.

But I also plan to write my ass off. So stick around for that as opposed to my other juices that flow.

The 4th.

2009-07-04T21:53:00.000-07:00

We had a great time, and here are a couple of highlights..

And now, a bedtime story...

2009-06-16T23:27:00.000-07:00

“The Major and Connie’s big day”

By:

Americo Alvarenga

Connie always thinks there are two birds. He assumes that there must be more than one bird chirping away at the morning sun. As he opens one eye, he believes that this time he’s going to see two birds outside the window, that there can be no way in this great, wide world that one animal, as small as that bird, could possibly make that amount of noise. He opens his second eye. Connie is wrong.

Connie leans up on his front paws and stretches his hind legs. He shakes his body from head to tail, tossing off the night’s lingering sleep. The sound of his dog tags rustles up the only other living thing in the small cabin. He smacks his lips as a heavy, calloused hand lands on his head.

“Morning Connie,” says the Major. “Today’s a big day.” Connie acknowledges the Major’s sentiments as he does every morning with a nod of his head.

The Major is a small, elderly man. No one would assume that this is the man that is echoed in all the pictures around the cabin. Pictures of a tall man in uniform. Some have him holding rifles; others have him pointing away toward distant wherevers. And then there are others, very few, but definitely in places of notice, where it’s a beautiful woman that he grasps.

Connie has never seen any of these images. Connie is a dog and can’t see in two dimensions. The Major has described each one to Connie in depth throughout the years, so Connie could point out each image and describe to you in as much detail and with as much emotion as the Major could, with only the shape of the image to go by. Connie is a self-proclaimed “part wild dog”. He believes that at least one of his ancestors was a wolf. He teases the Major each day about him running off into the wild. A game they both enjoy three meals a day. This breakfast is no different.

The Major takes their breakfast to the porch. They’d eat their bacon, eggs, and toast in the kitchen, there’s plenty of room. But with the view of the lake, the sun rising in the East, and the dew simmering off the trees and cabins in the distance, why would you eat inside? The Major sets Connie’s food on the floor next to him as the Major pulls a folded wooden TV tray in front of him. As Connie licks his lips from the grease too soon gone from his plate, and the Major lights his pipe, they look out into the distance as Connie asks the Major, the question.

“Would you miss me, Major?
If I left this morn’?
Would you miss me Major?
Will you be so torn?
I could run out into the misty woods,
Follow the trail and be at play,
Take it till I think it should,
This feels like it could be the day.”

The Major smiles and replies.

“I’d miss you Connie,
I’d miss you true,
You can’t leave Connie,
There’s still much to do.
‘Sides there’s nothing really worth while,
Beyond those pesky trees,
And why tire yourself with all those miles?
You’re better off with me.”

Connie smiles and says, “Maybe later then, Major. Later will be my day.”

The day rolls along, and the next thing you know, it’s lunch time. The Major works his tongs across the outside grill as the smoke rises off the sausages he’s cooking up. Stuffed between a couple of sourdough rolls and plated, The Major and Connie sit down to lunch. They watch as the lake host’s traffic to rowboats, paddle boats, canoes, and the such. The Major waits tentatively to the pending question.

“Would you miss me, Major?
If I left you soon?
Would you miss me, Major?
If I took off this noon?
I could swim out to a boat,
I could meet a new friend.
They would no doubt, on me, dote.
They’d carry my means to my end.”

The Major puffs on his pipe.

“I’d miss you Connie,
Don’t go over there.
Why leave me Connie?
I’m sure they don’t care.
Sure they’d pet you and feed you,
You’re a dog, a cute one at that,
But at the end of the day, they’d leave you.
And that my good friend, would be that.”

Connie smiles as he sees the smoke from the Major’s pipe circle in the air, “Maybe later then, Major. Later will be my day.”

The sun begins to set, as it does every day. The stars begin to poke through the veil of the evening sky. In the distance, the lights of cabins begin to turn on sporadically. At first one, then another, at one point four turned on at the same time. Connie can still taste the smoked fish that the Major seared to perfection earlier in the evening. On cue, Connie begs, but not in the way dogs normally do.

“Would you miss me, Major?
If I stole into the night?
Would you miss me, Major?
Would you put up a fight?
The lights call to me,
And not just those of man,
The stars in heaven whisper to me,
Come visit faraway lands.”

Connie sees the smoke of the Major’s pipe, and waits for his witty reply. But Connie, to his surprise, gets a bit of ash on his nose. He shakes it off, and looks up to the Major. He notices something different in the Major’s eyes. They’re looking off into the distant, but not off into the horizon. The Major seems to have traveled off in his gaze to some place that Connie has at some time or another described to the Major with such detail and emotion that it seems the Major has beat Connie to him. Connie moves up along side of the Major, putting his head on his lap. The Major’s hand, still calloused, but now cold, on Connie’s brow. Connie stares off, trying to see where the Major may have gone off too. He smiles.

“Tomorrow then, Major. Tomorrow will be my day.”

The End

My nephew, Julian.

2009-06-07T13:27:00.000-07:00

You know what's great about being an uncle? It's getting to be one to another kid. I've got two nephews. My brother could go his whole life giving me the coolest gadgets or doodads for my birthday/Christmas/Uncle's Day (there should be one), but nothing would ever compare to making me an uncle.

It's all the fun of being with a kid who's related to you but none of the responsibilities.

I hope to return the favor some day soon.

Comic geekdom, per the usual...

2009-05-16T02:51:00.000-07:00

It's Comic draft time over at Kevin Smith's message board, and of course, instead of working, I write up a story for my draft picks. Enjoy...

Shot Thru.pdf

Twitter, and why it's my girlfriend's fault.

2009-05-04T22:54:00.000-07:00

So I just joined twitter. Something I was never gonna do. I didn't see the need for those to know about everything I do every minute. I had a blog, that I update (on the odd occasion, granted), and I figure if folks wanna know what I'm doing, then they can just call me.

But my girl changed that. See, she usually posts on the regular on a message board that we both frequent.

But as of late, she hasn't. Mainly because when she's at work it's easier for her to twitter on her phone than it is for her to post on that board. Today, I checked out her twitter, and realized how much I miss seeing her posts.

So I joined. I'm *shrugs* twittering. I may find this enjoyable. I may not. But I do it, cause I love my girl.

So you wanna follow my tweets? They're probably game/movie/look pretty tree related.

If that's your thing, I feel for you. And enjoy.

Out damn spot.

2009-04-02T20:56:00.000-07:00

We all know Jupiter.

More importantly, we all know that beautiful red spot. It's an ancient storm about the size of three Earths that's been swirling about for the last three hundred years.

Winds go up to 400 miles per hour, and scientists have no idea what sustains it, what caused it, or why it's even red (cause there are times it isn't).

Well, between 1996 and 2006, the Giant Red Spot has lost 15 percent of its diameter.

It is expected that the it will become circular by around 2040.

Jupiter's atmosphere is an amazing tapestry of bands and circles and swirls that consistently moves, you never see the same Jupiter twice.

It's a shame to think that at one point this defining feature of Jupiter's will be gone, and that our study of it may never be clear.

In the meantime, we are witness to a great many wonders on our world, and luckily, we get to witness this on another world as well.

Everyone should carry a purple crayon.

2009-03-05T22:58:00.000-08:00

As a kid, I remember reading the classics. The fairy tales, tales of adventure, the usual. Oddly enough, I skipped a lot of "kids" books, I was always looking for the older material.

In doing so, I missed some books, some books that should never have been missed. God bless my girl and her child-like heart. She bought "Harold and the Purple Crayon" for her niece. I read it today, and I was blown away.

It's a straightforward concept, a four-year-old boy who has the ability to create his own little world with his purple crayon. And create he does.

What's great about the story is that at no time does the character ever betray himself. He's a four-year-old, and sure enough, he acts like one. You feel part of Harold's world as he creates it. You want to go where he goes, and you want it to be over when he does.

The genius of Crockett Johnson's book is in its simplicity. He conveys so much, all with just a purple crayon. And it's in that minimalistic setting that the story grows leaps and bounds, just like a four-year-old would if you gave him a crayon and the world as his canvas.

If you never read the book, do your childhood a favor, and go read it. Then go read it to a kid.

Jim Lee stole my Sharpie... And that's the rest of that story.

2009-03-02T00:29:00.000-08:00

Well, technically he didn't steal it, but I let him use it and continue to use it when I walked away.

This weekend was WonderCon, and I usually go all three days, but this time I only went on Friday. And it was a great freaking day. Got a chance to chop it up with Jim Lee, Brian Azzarello, and Mike Mignola for a bit. Also got some great insight on hand drawn effects VS 3D effects (fyi hand drawn effects rules over 3D software any day).

On a down note, Paul Harvey passed away this past week. Paul Harvey was an ABC radio broadcaster for as long as I could remember. He had these segments on his broadcast called "The Rest of the Story."

They were factual stories on any number of subjects, but always ending with a twist ending. I recall specifically one where the U.S. government was planning on releasing a 3 dollar bill, and on face of the bill, Santa Claus.

My dad used to love listening to Paul Harvey, and the one story my dad told me he heard was one that has stuck with me since I was a kid.

It was about a classroom in a very reputable university, the room was packed, because apparently the teacher who was going to teach the writing class was very famous.

The teacher comes into the room, and the room goes silent. He steps to the podium and says, "How many of you in here want to be writers?"

The whole class rose their hands. He looks around and says to them,

"Then what the hell are you doing in here?" The teacher leaves the classroom.

My dad couldn't recall who it was.

Still, a great story nonetheless, and at the end of the day, what more could you ask for?

R.I.P. Celestia Valverde

2009-02-01T13:39:00.000-08:00

Well my great aunt died this morning.

I've been taking her to dialysis three days a week for about 5 years. She was a mean old broad, been an evil person all her life. As a little girl she used to hide food from her younger sisters. She disowned her only son, and she constantly accused us of robbing her.

And as mean of a bitch as she was, she was still family, and we looked out for her, cause that's what families do. And now she's no longer in pain. At the very least she's got peace, finally, in her life.

Last thing she said to me was when I offered to buy her some food (she wouldn't pay for her own food) yesterday, to which she replied, "Fine, but don't buy me anything disgusting."

lol R.I.P. you mean ol' broad. I'll miss ya.

I Have A Dream...

2009-01-19T21:55:00.000-08:00

"America has given the Negro people a bad check, a check which has come back marked, 'insufficient funds'." - Martin Luther King

On January 20th, 2009, at 12pm EST. America makes good on a small portion of that check.

I haven't posted since last month, so many things have happened in my sweet 'country 'tis of thee.'

And I have thought long and hard about what I've wanted to say about our President-elect, life (they found methane on Mars, that's possible life people!), work (writing a new script), and my love (Hi Ruth).

Truth is, as a writer, I can convey to you all how I feel about all these things (oh yeah, they fucking killed Batman! Assholes!).

But I just can't seem to find a place to start. I'm living this world, this monumental moment, and I didn't want to spoil it with convoluted words.

Do you feel it? Do you feel the new world? Say what you will, America sets the standard. And for the last 40 years, we have been substandard. Sure we're innovative (I think we built a rocket that destroys everything and in it's wake it actually drills a pipeline and staffs it with friends of Dick Cheney), but our innovation comes with a high price. One that's been too high for too long.

The world we live in is at a brink, we have no time left. We either make it as a species or we go down the tubes.

But this Tuesday, this day of inauguration for Barack Obama. It truly feels like a step in the right direction.

I have always been wary of politicians. I still am in fact. And a politician that gives me hope is ironically scarier to me than the typical run of the mill.

Because a man who carries the torch of hope is a man I will follow, and I am not one to do the following. But a man worthy enough to unite this country, to stand for righteousness and the common good of the people. I will be proud and honored to serve at the pleasure of that President.

And I feel in my heart that President Barack Obama is that Commander in Chief.

Martin Luther King Jr. We take one real step closer to our dream.

Killjoys...

2008-12-21T02:08:00.000-08:00

I'm a fan of Christmas. Christmas for me is a remembrance of love, unity, and giving.

That, of course is not what others celebrate. In fact, it is so much what others don't want you to celebrate that they go out of their way to make it unpleasant for everyone.

Take Christians. If you take Christ out of the equation, then you get assholes like Pastor Fred Phelps, who wants to put up signs up in Washington that read, "Santa Claus will take you to Hell."

Classy guy.

But hey, how about those agnostics or atheists? Well sure, they got their dickeries out in about, can't wait to prove that Christ isn't real and that the season is just a ploy to get people to spend their money yada, yada, yada.

You even have moderates who have to just analyze the shit out of every aspect of, well, everything. Case in point...

The gender of Rudolph and his or her sleigh-hauling friends -- the subject of goofy Internet chatter every year around this time -- is now being pondered by renowned wildlife experts at Texas A & M University.
"Santa's reindeers were really females, most likely," said Alice Blue-McLendon, a veterinary medicine professor specializing in deer who cites the depictions of Santa's helpers with antlers as the primary evidence. It turns out reindeer grow antlers regardless of gender, and most bulls typically shed their fuzzy protrusions before Christmas.
But Santa's sleigh helpers might also be castrated males, known as steers, said Greg Finstad, who manages the Reindeer Research Program at the University of Alaska Fairbanks.

Really? Either the wildlife experts at Texas A&M are all high and have given up on trying to figure out how to make their fingers "fing", or they've got nothing better in the fucking world to do.

Out of all the things to work on, did they think that saying to a bunch of kids, "Hey, Rudolph's actually a girl. That song and that T.V. special that comes on every year are way wrong!", that this was the way to go?

Look, December 25th was used as a marking point for the winter solstice in the Julian calendar. It was later adopted as a date of significance by the Church in order to make it easier for pagans to convert.

That's it. That's the bottom line of the day. It's also a Thursday, if you want to be more specific.

Some people have chosen to make the day special for certain reasons, others have not.

I choose to be a person who has taken the day, and made it my own, and in the face of idiocy, dare to call it Christmas.

Happy Holidays folks, enjoy it. Cause honestly, life is too short to be a killjoy.

Happy Thanksgiving, sorry about getting screwed over, Native Americans.

2008-11-27T15:47:00.000-08:00

I have one thing above all to be thankful for today.

My girl.

Because of her, my world is brighter, shinier, and I am aware of how incredibly lucky I am.

Happy Day, folks.

And now for a taste of things to come...

2008-10-13T02:32:00.000-07:00

10 years ago, I made a movie. And it's getting an anniversary treatment. Enjoy the titles.

10 years in the making...

2008-10-10T02:04:00.000-07:00

A little over 10 years ago, I switched my major in college from fine arts to film. I never looked back. My very first film was a short that I shot on Super 8mm. It landed me my first paid gig in directing a documentary.

In the 10 years since, the only copy I've ever had was the original film reel, and a video copy that I recorded from a projected image on the wall.

Needless to say the resulting image was blurred and out of focus due to the flicker from the projector.

Well, I figured it was time to give the "little film that did" its proper telecine transfer.

And man, did it turn out beautiful. So for the 10th anniversary of my peregrination in film, I have decided to treat "Krucial Kombat" (yes that is the title) to a new soundtrack and new titles, and a new cut. Considering that the old soundtrack is on a cassette tape and the old edits were done by hand.

Stay tuned for the groovy, in the meantime, a couple more pics.

fOoLhArDi are fools hardly...

2008-10-02T13:35:00.000-07:00

I'm a fan pimping those that warrant pimpage. And no one warrants more pimpage than my best friend's sister.

Errr... Her site warrants the pimpage, I mean.

Dana and Jen have gone and opened up a site with a line of clothes featuring some cool skater/punk/groovy designs for those who're into awesomeness.

And it's not just chick wear, they've got some gear for the fellas as well.

If you get a chance, I suggest you go ahead and take a gander at fOoLhArDi and get yourself some stupid-fresh-all up in your eye hole gear.

Boldly go, where no man, woman, kitty, ferret, dingo...

2008-09-17T23:17:00.000-07:00

Say hello to the "water bear". Or rather tardigrades, as they are more commonly known (by who, I don't know, cause for most I guarantee they have heard of neither term).

Tardigrades are small, water-dwelling segmented animals with eight legs. The biggest adults may reach a body length of 1.5mm, the smallest below 0.1mm. Freshly hatched larvae may be smaller than 0.05mm.

Tardigrades are able to survive in extreme environments that would kill almost any other animal. Some can survive temperatures close to absolute zero, temperatures as high as 151 °C (303 °F), 1,000 times more radiation than any other animal, nearly a decade without water, and now, even the vacuum of space.

That's right folks, scientists have taken two species of tardigrades and ventured them into the great beyond on an ESA satellite a year ago. After 10 days in space, the little guys were brought back for study. It was found that the Sun's UV rays, 1,000 times stronger in space than here on Earth, would oddly act as tardigrade Kryptonite. Of those shielded from the rays, nearly 70% went on to reproduce successfully. Of those exposed to the Sun, almost all of them died. Still, the intrepid buggers are now the first creature ever known to be able to survive in open space.

THE VACUUM OF FUCKING SPACE!!!

What's this mean? It means we're learning, all the time folks. Dream, people. Cause it's all possible.

Welcome To Jerry Siegel's This Ol' Fortress of Solitude.

2008-09-04T02:43:00.000-07:00

I was about 2 or 3 years old.

And yeah, I was a fan of Superman.

Flash forward 30 years later, and the fanboy is still a fan, though no longer a boy.

Superman was created by Joe Shuster and Jerry Siegel, a couple of guys who had no idea at the time, that they created one of the most iconic characters in history.

Sadly, they never got to see the fruits of their labors (they lost battles to keep the copyright of the character for 30 years) until the twilight of their lives.

Folks may hear the name Shuster and Siegel and never bat an eye. Mention Superman, and they know exactly who you're talking about. A sad fact but at the very least the creators can take some solace in leaving a kryptonian footprint on the face of this little planet.

And fortunately those who want to embark on a voyage into history can take it upon themselves to go visit Jerry Siegel's house (since Joe Shuster's house was demolished), and soak in a little piece of Americana.

Of course you'll be appalled to find that what you're more likely soaking in is rain water coming from the missing roof since the house has fallen into disarray. You'll see a house painted red and blue (seriously), owned by a very sweet old couple. And walking in, you'll be able to see the missing ceiling, cracked walls, missing sheet rock... Well words don't do it justice...

For shame Cleveland.

The folks over at Ordinary People Change The World are trying to rectify this situation. Brad Meltzer and Mike San Giacomo are spearheading the Siegel and Shuster Society in order to try to raise money to restore and save the Siegel house. The house where Superman was created.

So if you can, please, bid, buy, or donate to the Siegel and Shuster Society. It's the very least we can do for the guys who gave us the greatest Superhero of all time.

Today was my one-hundred and eleventieth birthday.

2008-09-04T00:34:00.000-07:00

Thirty-second, actually.

Alas thirty-two years is far too short a time to live among such excellent and admirable people.

I don't know half of you half as well as I should like, and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve.

I, uh... I... have things to do...

I've put this off for far too long.

I am happy to announce, this is not the end.

I'm going, for now - I bid you all a very fond farewell.

Good-bye.

Beyond the Sea...

2008-08-21T21:32:00.001-07:00

For those unaware, a baby humpback whale named Colin was lost in Sydney harbor earlier this week. The little guy was found trying to suckle on boats in the harbor, after many attempts to have the little guy join other pods out in the ocean, Colin would just come back and try to suckle on the boat.

He was euthanized today, amongst a lot of heartbreak.

It's strange when the best in humanity shines brightest when they come together to help out a defenseless creature.

It's a shame that they can't do the same for each other unless there's a disaster.

Be careful what you ask for, no?

Bare Bones Project.

2008-07-29T00:53:00.001-07:00

So my best friend asked me to fuck with some footage that he shot while walking in the woods.

Here's the rough intro. Enjoy.

Now you see it... In about a minute you'll see it again.

2008-07-27T21:48:00.000-07:00

August 1st will bring a total solar eclipse. Sure this happens every so often, sure we've all seen pictures (not many of us can be in Russia, Canada, and China to check out this bad boy), but do you understand how fortunate we are to witness an event like this? The Moon is 400 times smaller than the Sun. And by a huge coincidence it is also 400 times closer to us, making the Moon and Sun appear the same size in our sky.

During this time of totality, the sun's solar corona becomes visible.

I hear it's a sight to behold, and as a citizen of this planet, I would be remiss if I didn't try to at least see this thing in person at least once in my life. Here's hoping to catch the next one.

Geek Proof, Second Year In A Row...

2008-06-11T00:39:00.000-07:00

Yet again, this year us comic geeks over at ViewAskew are holding a Super Hero Draft, I'm currently writing my story, but here's my cover.

Yup, I'm a geek.

Poppa's got a brand new bag.

2008-06-03T22:23:00.000-07:00

My other comp died.

Long live my new Macbook Pro!

Yes, this 'pc-boy 4 life' has gone Mac. And you know what? It's pretty fucking sweet. Vista was fucking up way too much for me to get behind it.

God bless this comp. It's fucking sweet.

Nice to be back among the blogging.

More news to come shortly.

The last days of a bad guy.

2008-04-30T17:59:00.000-07:00

On the 28th of April, 1945, Hitler discovered that SS leader Heinrich Himmler was trying to discuss surrender terms with the Allies. Hitler ordered Himmler's arrest and had Himmler's representative in Berlin Hermann Fegelein shot.

During the night of 28 April, General Wenck reported that his Twelfth Army had been forced back along the entire front. Wenck noted that no further attacks towards Berlin were possible. General Alfred Jodl (Supreme Army Command) did not provide this information to Hans Krebs in Berlin until early in the morning of 30 April.

On 29 April, Hans Krebs, Wilhelm Burgdorf, Joseph Goebbels, and Martin Bormann witnessed and signed the last will and testament of Adolf Hitler. Hitler dictated the document to his private secretary, Traudl Junge. Hitler was also that day informed of the violent death of Italian dictator Benito Mussolini on 28 April, which is presumed to have increased his determination to avoid capture.

On 30 April 1945, after intense street-to-street combat, when Soviet troops were within a block or two of the Reich Chancellory, Hitler committed suicide, shooting himself while simultaneously biting into a cyanide capsule. Hitler's body and that of Eva Braun (his mistress whom he had married the day before) were put in a bomb crater, doused in gasoline by Otto Günsche and other Führerbunker aides, and set alight as the Red Army advanced and shelling continued. Hitler also poisoned his dog Blondi to test the poison he and Eva Braun were going to take.

Those were the last three days of Hitler's life.

I wonder, if at any time, did he think to himself, "Maybe this was not the way to go?"

I have to think that for however evil a man is, there's gotta be a moment of questioning, it's only human. But maybe I've answered my own question. He wasn't human. He walked, talked, and shat as a human, but his humanity left him a long time before the bite into a cyanide pill.

Here's what I find hilarious, though. Hitler's whole concept of racial hygiene was based on the ideas of Joseph Arthur Comte de Gobineau, who became famous for developing the racialist theory of the Aryan master race.

Now here begins the irony. His father was a government official and staunch royalist, his mother, Anne-Louise Magdeleine de Gercy, was the daughter of a royal tax official and a Creole woman from Santo Domingo. When he was fourteen his mother eloped with another man and brought Josef with her to Switzerland for a few years. It was in Switzerland that he began his interest in Orientalism.

Obviously this was the catalyst of his hatred towards other races. He came to believe that race created culture, arguing that distinctions between the three "black", "white", and "yellow" races were natural barriers, and that "race-mixing" breaks those barriers and leads to chaos.

Gobineau believed the white race was superior to the others. He thought it corresponded to the ancient Indo-European culture, also known as "Aryan"(Indo-Iranian race). Gobineau originally wrote that white race miscegenation was inevitable. He attributed much of the economic turmoils in France to pollution of races. Later on in his life, he altered his opinion to believe that the white race could be saved.

Here's the kicker. Gobineau saw Jews as intelligent people who were very much a part of the superior race and who, if anything, stimulated industry and culture.

Hitler and Nazism borrowed much of Gobineau's ideology, though Gobineau himself was not particularly anti-Semitic. When the Nazis adopted Gobineau's theories, they were forced to edit his work extensively to make it conform to their views, much as they did in the case of Nietzsche.

So a guy, who was part Jewish himself, decides to base his ideology of hatred and murder, on another guy who actually includes Jews in the superior race demographic.

Nothing about Hitler screams winner. Hell, even at the end of his life, he had to kill a woman and dog, he just couldn't be man enough to end it on his own.

The world is better off without him. 63 years ago today, the world got a little less evil. The only good thing he did.

5:30am...

2008-04-14T05:26:00.000-07:00

It's such a transitionary time for me. On one hand, it's hours since I should have been asleep, and on the other, it's nearly hours before people have to get up.

If I'm awake it means that I've either been writing and didn't realize the time to stop. Or, I tried to go to sleep early, but I'm so used to waking up at this hour, my body's an idiot.

I love the smell of very early morning, merely an hour before the sun starts to warm things up. Of course I'm heading right to bed after this post. It's just such an interesting feeling to be up at this time.

Mind me not, I'm off to sleep.

Goodbye, Arthur.

2008-03-19T00:46:00.000-07:00

Clarke's 3 laws of prediction are as follows...

When a distinguished but elderly scientist states that something is possible, he is almost certainly right. When he states that something is impossible, he is very probably wrong.
The only way of discovering the limits of the possible is to venture a little way past them into the impossible.
Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.

After writing the second and third laws, Arthur said, "As three laws were good enough for Newton, I have modestly decided to stop there."

It was Arthur C. Clarke's Mysterious World that introduced me to the man. True I watched 2001: A Space Odyssey when I was a kid (didn't understand it then, obviously), but it was Mysterious World that captivated me. I've always had a love for sci-fi, but it was Clarke's shows that cemented my love for the sci, not just the fi.

Arthur had a way of showing the optimistic side of science in the future, as opposed to the bleak, dismal downfall of humanity. The way Arthur talked about technology, space, and the human ability to explore wonders in themselves and beyond always gave me hope, even to this day, that humanity with all of its flaws, can overcome their ignorance on the precipice of their destruction and salvation.

I could go into his contributions to the world, but if you don't know, look it up. It's worth to know what the man has done. Instead, I'd like to take a moment here and recognize that the World has become some degree dumber and less creative, now that Arthur has passed away.

On his 90th Birthday video, Arthur quotes Rudyard Kipling for what he would most like to be remembered for.

If I have given you delight
By aught that I have done,
Let me lie quiet in that night
Which shall be yours anon:
And for that little, little span
The dead are borne in mind
Seek not to question other than
The books I leave behind.

From the man who said, "Life is just one big banana. Science fiction allows us all to peel open the reality and discover the yellow truth inside." Believe us Arthur, you will be remembered for the writer that you are.

In his 1999 revision of Profiles of the Future, published in London by Indigo, Clarke added his Fourth Law: "For every expert there is an equal and opposite expert."

That's one more than Newton, Arthur. Which conveniently fits into the second law. I promise you, Sir, the few of us who know, will continue to push forward, and we'll do our best to make each orbit around the Sun count.

Thank you, Sir Arthur C. Clarke, for 90 amazing orbits. You will be missed.

Pen Mightier Than The Sword... Fear The PenSword!

2008-03-07T00:06:00.000-08:00

This new year has been abuzz with the doings going on. It's been great so far, and the new script is coming along very nicely.

I've been doing a whole lot of reading lately, and not just comic books and literary work of yesteryear, but I've ventured into contemporary writers of today.

Now I've never been a fan of contemporary writers, specifically books of fiction. I just never really felt they've been able to grasp what classical writers were so adept at doing. Masters of the English language, as opposed to the pow, bam, and kablammos that most of these new guys tend to heavily rely on.

A snobbish point of view? Possibly. But I've asked people to show me evidence to the contrary. And so they have.

Recently read Stardust. Thought it was incredibly well written and a very interesting take on the typical fairy tale that we're used to. Personally I think the fact that Neil Gaiman is a comic book writer put him in a unique category, but it does indeed instill some piece of mind for me to think that the art isn't lost.

Of course, it's no Lord of The Rings. But then again, will anything ever be?

Toy Story.

2008-02-21T17:15:00.000-08:00

I remember watching Robin Williams' "Toys" with my little brother. I can guarantee you, years later no one would have figured that he'd open up his own toy store.

Grand Opening is this weekend. I wish him the best, and can't wait to check it out for myself.

It's the little things...

2008-02-17T23:41:00.000-08:00

We've heard the saying so many times, but I really think we overlook this very powerful statement.

In life, it's the little things that get you through the day, that make you sit up and realize, "Good God, it's great to be alive."

I've got a girl (that in of itself is something to be excited about), she loves me, she's awesome, and she goes and gets a xbox 360 so that she can play with me.

Yeah, she's uber awesome.

I make no promise...

2007-12-31T22:45:00.000-08:00

Before sunset on the eve of Yom Kippur the following words are repeated.

All personal vows we are likely to make, all personal oaths and pledges we are likely to take between this Yom Kippur and the next Yom Kippur, we publicly renounce. Let them all be relinquished and abandoned, null and void, neither firm nor established. Let our personal vows, pledges and oaths be considered neither vows nor pledges nor oaths.

The readiness into how people make promises and the ease that it has become to break them has truly tarnished the luster of what it is to promise something to someone.

So on this New Year's Eve, I make no promise or pledge. My words will stand as they are. No greater or worse. May I live up to them.

Have a good one folks.

Three Jews, A Priest, A Muslim, and a Latin Guy...

2007-12-23T17:49:00.000-08:00

I got up today, and I went back to the past. I grabbed Jesus of Nazareth, Nicholas of Myra, Muhammad ibn ‘Abd Allāh, Abraham, and Moses. I gave them all pills so that they could talk and understand each other, and they introduced themselves. After introductions were made, Nicholas begins to praise Jesus, while Jesus, Moses, and Muhammad began to praise Abraham, while Abraham stood their a bit confused.

After the novelties wore off, they asked who I was, I told them I was the one who brought them all there. When they asked why, I told them what each was responsible for.

They were taken aback, with Abraham being the only one to say, "I was just doing what God told me to."

As much as they were saddened by the fallout of their deeds, there begins talk of changing their methods, creating clear outlines that could not be misconstrued, that there be 'no factions' in the faiths.

I calmed them down, and said it wouldn't matter. Said that people are gonna believe and interpret it no matter what they said or did.

They asked again what the point was for me to bring them all their, and I told them how important the December month became to all the faiths, fictional or not. They all began to wish Jesus a Happy Birthday, but Jesus tried to tell them that it wasn't for several months, but a good chuckle was had by all.

I told them, that I brought them there to ask them one question, piousness aside, if they could. What is the one thing they'd like to convey to all of you, as one human being to another. It didn't take them long to respond.

Afterwards, we watched Tron, The Incredibles, while Muhammad read The Watchmen, and Nicholas and I played some Halo.

Subsequently, I accidentally made additions to History that I have to share with you. Because of Tron, Moses said he followed a column of fire in the desert, because of The Incredibles, Jesus walked on water, because Muhammad loved The Watchmen comic especially the Walter Kovacs character, he thought it'd be funny if he didn't show his face in any pics of himself. Because of Halo, Nicholas began to tell tales of his flying sled. And Abraham, well, he gave James Hetfield a run for his money when he belted out Enter Sandman on Rock Band.

All in all, they had a great time. And here unto you good people, I relay the message they unanimously came to terms to say.

"The world may seem a cynical, horrible, and at times ultimately miserable place. But it isn't. There's love in each one of you, all you have to do is look. We know that old voices from your past may sound like just regurgitated anecdotes, but please, believe us, we meant nothing but good for our fellow man. And seeing how much of an impact we have made, both bad and good, we ask that you do not forget the basest of messages that we have tried to convey.

You are loved. Take care of each other, for you are all that you have."

Happy Holidays, guys.

Here's a little Christmas spirit for Mars' Spirit.

2007-12-13T14:54:00.000-08:00

Two rovers, Spirit and Opportunity, landed on Mars in January 2003, and have been operating more than 15 times longer than originally planned.

What we've learned from these little guys about Mars has been indispensable. Now, the rover Spirit is battling time to get itself in position to survive the Martian winter.

Spirit has about two weeks left to reach a sun-facing slope on the northern edge of a plateau known as Home Plate in Gusev Crater. So much dust blankets its solar panels however, that the rover needs to spend a day charging its batteries just to crawl for an hour, project manager John Callas said during a briefing at the American Geophysical Union conference in San Francisco this week.

Global dust storms swept over the planet for two months earlier this year, blotting out 99.5 percent of the direct sunlight. The rovers survived the storms, but Spirit is so coated with debris that its solar power panels are operating at 42 percent of their original capacity.

"It's almost camouflaged. There's so much dust on the arrays," Callas said.

Even if Spirit reaches its winter resting spot, surviving its third Martian winter will be tough, Callas said. Engineers estimate Spirit's power levels will be reduced to 30 percent -- about what is needed just to keep its equipment from freezing.

Spirit had 50 percent power during the last winter and 70 percent during its first winter on Mars.

No matter what Spirit's fate may be, there is no doubt, that when we finally get Man to Mars, the little guy will be dusted off, and will get its ride back home.

Hang tough bud.

There she grows!!!

2007-12-05T16:21:00.000-08:00

I'd like to share something with the very few who read this.

This is an image that researchers used multibeam sonar to compile a topographic map of a portion of the East Pacific Rise where undersea volcanic eruptions were caught on camera. The black line shows the extent of the eruption. The new lava flow stretched more than 11 miles long and up to 2 miles wide. At the northern end of the eruption, lava poured from a fissure 2,000 feet away from the ridge crest, a process that has been thought to occur, but never observed.

What's it mean? Well, look at it. The red part is the lava that has come up to the surface and solidified through the spread. It's new land. Take notice on either side of the line. Looks like ridges no? That's where the lava has come up before and solidified every time the Earth spreads open.

But wait! Why isn't one part going up, and the other going down, as science has said to us for far too long now? Where's the evidence of bumping continents? Cause continents don't bump together!

Earth grows folks. What you see in that pic, is new skin. The world grows like you grow and I grow. This is proof.

Yet you won't hear any scientist tell you this. Why? Cause it would mean all science would have to change.

But take it in. They're telling you that they are now seeing it for the first time with their own eyes. And now, so can you.

This is what you shall do...

2007-11-17T22:34:00.000-08:00

Go, right now. And tell someone, anyone, that you're thankful for them or something they did. The tougher it is, the harder it is for you to say it to that person, the better.

Why do this?

Why not? What does it cost you? Whatever you think it is, I can guarantee you that that small gesture is worth so much more than your silly little pride.

Time flies, it also crawls, but it doesn't lambada.

2007-11-13T23:19:00.000-08:00

My nephew turned a year old last week. Can't believe it's been a year since I was at the hospital holding the little guy. The say a watched pot never boils. They neglect to say that while you're staring at that pot, the world doesn't bother to join you to watch, and whizzes right by you.

I spent the year learning, a lot. And year's end brings so much change to my life. Time's been kind. As harsh as life can get, Time does indeed heal.

Great things are happening. In time, I will share with you all.

Always Learning

2007-10-27T15:10:00.000-07:00

One of the best things about being with someone, is that if you do it right. You'll never know them completely. You'll always learn something new about them for the rest of your life.

Good or bad. Happy or sad. Learning the truths about someone isn't always a sunshine moment, but it is an intimate one nonetheless. The fact that the person let's down their guard enough for you to come in. That you've earned their trust that much that they'll let you hurt them (not that you would).

That's a beautiful thing.

Learn, everyday from that beautiful person you're with. And take a moment to recognize it. You'll appreciate your station in life a whole lot more.

Take two Christmas' and call me at New Year's.

2007-10-26T14:13:00.000-07:00

I guess we slowly saw it coming. Every year, since I was a kid. People started to prepare for Christmas just another day earlier. I used to think before December was too soon.

Now, I've been hearing talks about it for the last two weeks. It's fucking October! I love Halloween. Where the fuck do people get off. Hell, I love Thanksgiving (not the celebration of a bunch of natives getting killed, but the food part).

What exactly is the hurry? December 25th doesn't come in faster. People love Christmas, I myself do, as well. Maybe it's a sign of the times? People want to feel better. I guess they want to feel better sooner. Kinda sad really.

Slow it down folks. Here's something to celebrate. It's the Full Moon tonight. The skies have been clear as hell here in San Francisco. Go out tonight, and look up at that beautiful rock in the sky. Enjoy it, it's getting further and further away every year. It won't be the same for your kids. You can tell them how 'back in your day' the moon looked very differently (kinda, won't change much, but still).

And Now...

2007-10-12T00:03:00.000-07:00

For your enjoyment...

Here's 50 words.

A look, a glance.
A deep breath, skin goes tingly.
Body goes tight, lips go wet.
An impact, a force.
A penetration, an explosion.
Tastes of sweetness, flesh like silk.
A sigh, a moan.
A grab, a swallow.
Eyes meet with one another, fluids exchange.
A collapse, A relax.
Ecstasy.

That which binds us all...

2007-10-08T18:35:00.000-07:00

The human body produces electricity. This you know. But it's not one or any single organ that produces the electricity. The cells themselves produce electricity. Like the way electricity is produced in your house. However not in the same manner. What we know as electricity that runs through, well everything, flows through electrons. The electricity in our cells flow through Ions (Chemistry 101, ions are atoms or molecules that have an electric charge because they have either lost or gained electrons). The cells generate "potential energy" by separating electrical changes. That means the energy used to separate them will be released if they come back together. That released energy is called "voltage."

The difference between the outside charge and the inside charge of a cell (what's called the "resting potential") is about 50 millivolts. That's 50 x 1/1000 of a volt. Compare that to a little AAA flashlight battery, which has 1.5 volts. Not much, right? But, add up the electricity generated by all the trillions of cells in the body and what you get is enough to light a 40 watt light bulb.

Now, think Superman here. Just like Superman, are bodies are fed by the sun. Alter the amount of energy, or the frequency that we radiate in sync with...

What do you think happens? Cancer? Most likely, for that's all cancer really is, a continuous growth of white blood cells. But only because it's a shock to the cells, they don't have time to adapt.

And adaptation is what humans do best. We don't have claws, we can't fly, and we don't have sharp teeth. But, we do adapt. Our cells will do the same. But to what outcome? Imagine if our cells would adapt to contain more energy. The potential for human development is truly limitless.

It boggles the mind...

2007-10-01T11:44:00.000-07:00

The steps that someone will take to sabotage themselves. To strip away their own happiness, because they're afraid of living life.

They'll push away the ones they love, they'll block them from reading anything personal about them, they'll say mean things. All because of fear.

Life's way too short. All I can say to them, is that we love you still. That's what loved ones do. We just hope you can come to terms with your fears.

Behind Green Eyes...

2007-09-27T17:27:00.000-07:00

Pete Townshend did his version. This is mine.

Behind Green Eyes

It was the light that fooled them all, and you,
A reflection at the right angle, it wasn't true.
Or it was at that moment, so it may seem,
But rarely is it there; the joy in that gleam.
An ocean lies behind these eyes,
One that I'm afraid will never run dry.
The beauty of the world passes through these emerald lenses,
The images can distort and overwhelm my senses.
I try and strain to see the love of this life,
But the pain and sorrow create so much strife.
I close my eyes but the memory stays,
Linger no longer, let the hells be away.
And then, when the world I do not want to brave,
When I can no longer take the barrage of each wave.
The floodgates burst open and wide,
And the tears flow free behind green eyes.
To my relief, they wash away the prism,
That has kept me only seeing through the bars of this prison.
And when empty and clear I can finally see,
The love that I have searched, right before me.
Skewed was my vision, I was blind,
How did I miss this world sublime?
And from my eyes, something other than tears flow through,
The beautiful thing that has led me to you.
And I thank you for letting me see clear,
For behind these eyes, there are no more tears.
The joy has been there, though I thought it as lies,
And now I see love true, reflected in your eyes.

When life gives you lemons...

2007-09-18T00:33:00.000-07:00

Take them.

Lemons are getting expensive today.

I was in the car today, I had my cousin in the passenger seat, and we were coming down the hill, and then up hers to get to her house. As we started up the very steep, San Francisco hill, there's a van pulling out, it's taking its very sweet time. If I go up and over this hill, this girl is dropped off, and then I can go on to do my own thing. I contemplate waiting. But seeing as I want to drop the kid off, I opt to back down and take another street. I go down that hill, and then up another. That hill is blocked by a bulldozer. I laugh, and one of the construction guys comes up to me, and says, it'll be a while.

I back down and go up and I pass by the original hill, the van is gone, but there's another car there, and it seems like it might be leaving.

I drive by, and take the long way around. I smile at my cousin and say to her, "You know, both times we tried to get there fast, and it seems life wasn't down for that. So I'll take the long way, which, if I would have done in the first place, we would already have been there by now."

So I leave you with this. If life gives you lemons, you can make lemonade. But before you do, take a moment with that lemon. It may not be the sweetest citric fruit in the family. But I bet there's a lot more you can do with it other than make lemonade. Just take a step back from the juicer.

Leaders of the New School.

2007-09-11T04:28:00.000-07:00

Here it is, fresh off the presses. Enjoy.

Super Hero Comic Book Draft. Yeah, I said it.

2007-09-07T13:57:00.001-07:00

So over at ViewAskew.com, we've got a little comic thread going. And we're doing a Super Hero Draft. This is the cover I made for my team, and my 5 picks. I'm writing up a story for them, so if you're at all interested (and if you've come to this site, you're more than likely looking for porn and are quite disappointed), I'll be putting it up here this weekend. In the meantime, enjoy the pic.

Your Kung-Fu is Strong...

2007-09-06T22:59:00.001-07:00

Who doesn't have a dark side to them? When you really dig down, when you go to the scary places of your soul, and touch the strings that tie you to the hells you've created. How dark does it resonate?

I bet you it's dark. I bet you think it's the darkest thing ever, darker than anyone else's. I bet you could kill. I bet you could maim, rape, destroy any and every thing that stands in your way. I bet you it's so scary that you get a shiver to think what you are actually capable of doing.

How about your light side? Not as sexy? How far could you go to love and be loved in return? I bet you it's not as bright as your dark side's dark.

It's a lot easier to think of the things we'd never do, than it is to do the good that we believe we're capable of.

What's that say about us?

There's a snake in my boot...

2007-09-05T12:42:00.000-07:00

Last couple days, I've been out of it. Out of my head and senses. I can't imagine being on drugs. My mind's such an insane place as it is, I can't imagine drugs having an effect on me.

I let a mosquito bite me three times last night. Then I killed it. I don't know if that was cruel or not. But she ain't biting me anymore.

I just learned several months ago what a QWERTY keyboard is. You'd think they'd call it something else, that's really on the nose.

My hands move in slow motion, but they're going faster than I can see.

Nap time now... Later...

31, Day One...

2007-09-03T15:30:00.000-07:00

So... First day.

A kick in the crotch. Life's funny that way. Let's see what tomorrow brings.

Getting old...

2007-08-28T00:33:00.000-07:00

I turn 31 in a week. I am single. No kids. A writer/director currently not getting paid for writing or directing.

A third of my life behind me (maybe more).

Am I worried?

Nope, not one bit.

For I've lived more than most in my short time on this planet. And I'm grateful for it.

The end of this years brings so much change to my life.

Life for me, starts at 31.

See you guys there.

One really long day...

2007-08-18T16:06:00.000-07:00

Did you know that there are fruit flies out there that only live 24 hours? It's true. From birth to death. They eat, sleep, mate, go through some fly adventure (not the slang 'fly' but no one's used that since the mid 90's), and then die.

Such an interesting concept of time these flies might have. Or they may just not pay any mind to the passage of time, or care of their own existence.

Sometimes, I can envy a fruit fly.

But it can only be that, cause I am aware of my own existence. However, the passage of time, seems like I can cheat on that one.

I had an amazing week. Chock it up to one really long fruit fly day.

For now, anyway.

The pursuit of Happiness...

2007-08-16T15:23:00.000-07:00

It's an interesting theory when you think about it. What is Happiness in its most biological sense?

The brain receives information that is converted into electrical impulses. These impulses electrifies and stimulates the organ that is your brain which in turns releases certain chemicals. The balance of these chemicals are crucial. When they secrete and rush into your system, its euphoric. The initial surge makes you smile wider than you normally would, makes your heart palpitate a bit faster, and sends a tingle through your body. The body, once used to the chemical flux, will return to a sense of calm, but a pleasant one.

Is this Happiness? If so, then a drug will give you the same result, no?

Then why the term 'The pursuit of happiness'? Does the body look for happiness? Do we as beings need it so badly that we have to search for it? Search for images, smells, sounds, anything discernable that will fill a void in our chemical make up?

Is it a constructural flaw? Are we built to search from the get-go?

Happiness can come in so many forms, but ironically it never comes, it must be sought. I've found mine. I hope you find yours.

It's been a long time... I shouldn't have left you...

2007-07-27T00:34:00.000-07:00

Wow, close to two months with no post? My bad. For all three of you who read this blog.

Been quite busy with life and work. I've got a lot of headway done on the sci-fi script, its been a large undertaking, but it's been very worth it.

Went for a long walk around Golden Gate Park today, went to The Japanese Tea Garden, The Museum, the usual. Once in a while, I remember why I love this town so much.

This is the view from my window where I write.

Love this town...

godplex still lives...

2007-05-29T04:36:00.000-07:00

So I've been debating whether or not to post the whole film of Godplex on my website (once I get it up and running), the film is 3 years old now, but it is the last short film I did.

I figured if there's enough demand, I'll put it up there, in the meantime, hope you guys liked the trailer we put together for it.

The lack of buzz...

2007-05-29T02:04:00.000-07:00

Working on this sci-fi script, and getting into all things sci (not so much fi), I ran into this little bit of shocking news.

Last fall, the nation's beekeepers watched in horror as more than a quarter of their 2.4 million colonies collapsed, killing billions of nature's little fertilizers.

Mysterious events in recent months have suddenly made Einstein's apocalyptic vision seem all the more topical. For unknown reasons, bee populations throughout Germany are disappearing -- something that is so far only harming beekeepers. But the situation is different in the United States, where bees are dying in such dramatic numbers that the economic consequences could soon be dire. No one knows what is causing the bees to perish, but some experts believe that the large-scale use of genetically modified plants in the US could be a factor.

Why is this of concern? Albert Einstein once said, "If the bee disappeared off the surface of the globe, then man would only have four years of life left. No more bees, no more pollination, no more plants, no more animals, no more man."

They can't seem to find the bodies which is the weird thing, they just find the hives were the offspring die off slowy.

Millions of bees have simply vanished. In most cases, all that's left in the hives are the doomed offspring. But dead bees are nowhere to be found -- neither in nor anywhere close to the hives. Diana Cox-Foster, a member of the CCD Working Group, told The Independent that researchers were "extremely alarmed," adding that the crisis "has the potential to devastate the US beekeeping industry."

It is particularly worrisome, she said, that the bees' death is accompanied by a set of symptoms "which does not seem to match anything in the literature."

In many cases, scientists have found evidence of almost all known bee viruses in the few surviving bees found in the hives after most have disappeared. Some had five or six infections at the same time and were infested with fungi -- a sign, experts say, that the insects' immune system may have collapsed.

The scientists are also surprised that bees and other insects usually leave the abandoned hives untouched. Nearby bee populations or parasites would normally raid the honey and pollen stores of colonies that have died for other reasons, such as excessive winter cold. "This suggests that there is something toxic in the colony itself which is repelling them," says Cox-Foster.

I hope we figure out the problem (which we caused obviously) before it's way too damn late.

Though, the way things have been going. It looks like we're near.

Damn global warming.

2007-05-13T01:19:00.000-07:00

Been a strange month. A lot of things going on, and a lot of things not finishing up.

First on the list of things that haven't been finished is the new script. And not because of lack of not wanting to write, just been so incredibly busy, haven't had a chance to write.

You may say, "Well, you've got a moment now Shakespeare! Get thee to a scribery!"

Well, to those people I say, "Shut up! That's why!"

And I've been a week without an internet connection. That was very scary. After a week of telling Earthlink that it's not my fault it's theirs. They finally realized their snafu and fixed the problem for the most part.

Along with one of my ex's sending me an email and telling me how happy she is with her new boyfriend, to my other ex going nuts. It's been quite a strange ride this month.

But just like mother nature, I'll get my ducks in a row. Things will get back to normal, and all will be right with the world.

Eventually...

Carry on my wayward son...

2007-04-26T20:00:00.000-07:00

Last couples of weeks have been a bitch. Writing and helping out my grandmother at her deli while my grandfather's on vacation has left me with a couple hours of sleep a night.

Needless to say, I'm drained.

But not as drained as my good friends J and Onny, who had a healthy baby girl this past Saturday. My best to them.

Will update next week with deadline I've got going.

Captain America... No More...

2007-03-09T00:25:00.000-08:00

I read this today...

Captain America will continue to be published despite the very real death of Steve Rogers. In May, Captain America #26 will reveal the aftermath of his death, beginning with the autopsy of his body. This is no hoax - Captain America, Steve Rogers, is dead.

I'm tired of being, just sad. Here's my farewell to Captain America.

When your time comes to die, be not like those whose hearts are filled with fear of death, so that when their time comes they weep and pray for a little more time to live their lives over again in a different way. Sing your death song, and die like a hero going home. - Tecumseh

I was a kid. Maybe 8 or 9. I think that's when I first saw this round shield with a star. Red, white, and blue. Didn't have a clue what it was. But, it was iconic.

It wasn't until I was about 12 years old, that I was first introduced to Captain America. At the time, mutants had my attention. I really didn't bother with Captain America. He had a shield and super strength, but Wolverine had claws. As I went to comic book stores off and on in my teens. There was one incident that stood out as my reintroduction to Cap.

I see an issue.

I asked the guy at the counter. "He quit?"

To which he replied, "Yeah, yeah he did."

It was strange for me that Super Heroes could quit being Super Heroes. It boggled my mind. I had to ask.

"Why the hell would he quit? Isn't he supposed to be all about the U.S.?" I get a scowl look from him.

"No dude. He's not about the U.S. He's about what the U.S. should stand for. He's about freedom, and liberty. They tried to take that away from Captain America. He wouldn't stand for it."

At the time, I couldn't separate the ideals of this country and the country. I thought they went hand-in-hand. Well, it is better to be ignorant than mistaken.

There began my quest to learn about the man with little wings on his cowl.

A scrawny teenager, sickened by what he saw on newsreel footage in the 40's about the Nazis. Tries to join the Army. Because of his frailty, they rejected him. But he didn't take no for an answer. He wanted to be a soldier. Let me say that again. He WANTED to be a Soldier. Because of the death and atrocities he saw, he wanted to fight for what was right.

In comes Operation: Rebirth. Where he was supposed to be one, in an Army of many super soldiers. Fate made him an Army of One. A shining beacon of all that is right in humanity. Fate again, freezes him, sacrificing himself yet again for us.

Nature abhors a hero. For one thing, he violates the law of conservation of energy. For another, how can it be the survival of the fittest when the fittest keeps putting himself in situations where he is most likely to be creamed? - Solomon Short

Decades later. The Avengers, thanks to Namor, unfreeze Captain America and Cap rejoins the fight for the good fight.

What made Steve Rogers different? His power was no accident. He's not an alien crashed to Earth, he's not a man born with powers, he's not chosen to be whatever.

No Sirs and Ma'ams. Steve wanted to fight. And if not for the grace of Dr. Abraham Erskine. I can guarantee you, Steve Rogers would have fought nail and tooth. And would have been a Hero. A Super one at that.

I continued on my path of following those who I held near and dear. The X-Men, Superman, Batman. Always an aspect of the outcast making good.

Captain America, I can say, I didn't follow closely. Why? Because, he was absolutely perfect. He was the rock that the waters broke their waves on. He never blunted. Captain America was my beacon. Spidey, you having issues? Cap has lost all he has held dear, and fights still. Mutants, your civil rights being violated? I can guarantee you Cap will have your back. Avengers, Assemble! And if Cap's in, there's nothing to fear.

Civil War...

Cap. I was with you. The whole time. I never once questioned the freedom you fought for. The hand they forced you to take. Suffering the betrayal of your closest friends. Iron Man should have left you frozen, if all he was going to do years later was betray what he knew you would never stand for. Some futurist.

And at the bitter end. Something strange happened Cap. You stopped fighting. You knew where you were, I know you did. You knew what would happen wherever you get that many heroes fighting. Cap, you were wrong. You were still fighting for us. You were fighting for those of us who believe in you. You stayed your hand from killing Castle, you stayed your hand from kill Stark. You didn't start this. They did. Captain America. You saw the tragedy around you. And as the man who puts the weight of the world on your shoulders. You blamed yourself. I saw the tears in your eyes. And in that moment of grief, of those cops and paramedics holding you back. You blamed yourself. You believed by surrendering; by finally surrendering to a government who tried to take your identity and freedom solely from you years ago, that you would save your friends, both those who fought against you and beside you by revealing yourself now, and surrendering.

They took you to jail. They treated you like that shield that has saved us countless times, didn't matter anymore. I am ashamed. I am ashamed of what we let allow happen. I know you took it on yourself Cap. That you felt you were saving us once again.

Captain America... We should have saved you...

I woke up Wednesday morning. I heard it first from Matt from this board. I went numb. I didn't think it was real. I didn't think that They would do this. Not now. Not without being able to hear from you first.

I saw you shot. I saw you sacrifice yourself again. And as you laid there. Your concern was for others.

Captain America... Steve Rogers... You were too good for this world. You deserved better than us. They wanted to make you a martyr. Those sons of a bitches forgot. You were already a Super Hero.

Many will come, they will pick up your shield. They will put on your colors. But they won't be you. And no one could ever handle your shield like you did.

Rest In Peace Steve Rogers. Captain America.

O CAPTAIN! my Captain! our fearful trip is done;
The ship has weather’d every rack, the prize we sought is won;
The port is near, the bells I hear, the people all exulting,
While follow eyes the steady keel, the vessel grim and daring:
But O heart! heart! heart!
O the bleeding drops of red,
Where on the deck my Captain lies,
Fallen cold and dead.

O Captain! my Captain! rise up and hear the bells;
Rise up—for you the flag is flung—for you the bugle trills;
For you bouquets and ribbon’d wreaths—for you the shores a-crowding;
For you they call, the swaying mass, their eager faces turning;
Here Captain! dear father!
This arm beneath your head;
It is some dream that on the deck,
You’ve fallen cold and dead.

My Captain does not answer, his lips are pale and still;
My father does not feel my arm, he has no pulse nor will;
The ship is anchor’d safe and sound, its voyage closed and done;
From fearful trip, the victor ship, comes in with object won;
Exult, O shores, and ring, O bells!
But I, with mournful tread,
Walk the deck my Captain lies,
Fallen cold and dead.

WHERE THE FUCK WAS UATU? :(

Man of Constant Sorrow...

2007-02-15T01:14:00.000-08:00

I'm not a man who has done all the right moves. But I am a man who has followed his heart. And I can clearly say, that all I have done I have done it out of love.

I may have stumbled along the way. Hell, I may have come close to giving up at times. But my heart, I feel, has tried to lead me in the right place.

Love...

Fuck if it ain't a bitch sometimes.

Happy Valentine's.

Space the final frontier... Unless you count that place beyond it...

2007-02-07T12:36:00.000-08:00

I've been sci-fi crazy this week, and pretty much all of the rest of the month. I've got one month left to finish this script. I'm pretty excited about this one. It's my first epic. Not worried about it. Hell, Lucas' first big hit was an epic sci-fi. Unlike Star Wars though, my little story involves the science of space, not just the imagination of what-ifs.

I feel the audience today want more. I feel that they want plausibility of what they see on the screen when talking about the future.

How pissed were people in the 50's when they believed they were going to get the 'flying car' by the year 2000?

Heh, I guess by that time they really didn't care. Or the reality just made them bitter. It's sad when people lose their imaginations, their dreams. Reality is a harsh mistress, but that doesn't mean you give up on your dreams.

Just means you try harder.

Wanna see something cute?

2007-01-14T23:03:00.000-08:00

My nephew rules. That's all I have to say.

January 1st, 2007...

2007-01-01T04:18:00.000-08:00

It is 4:17am as I write this. I am a bit inebriated. And I just got home. As I was coming out of my car door, I met a guy walking down the stree. I said, hi, he said hi. I told him, I'm just getting home. He laughed and said, "It's going to be a helluva year." I smiled, and looked at him and said, "Yes Sir, it definitely is. Take care of yourself."

Happy New Year! This is so my year.

Life...

2006-12-23T02:39:00.000-08:00

I look back on the pain in my life. I look back at the 9 years I've been working in film professionally (to some degree or another, hey writing is work fuckers). And even with the heartaches that life throws at me. Even with the missed opportunities that I wish I would have taken up on. With all the bad, and the sporadic good.

I don't think I could have wanted my life to turn out any different. It's made me into the person I am today. Sure, I am up alone at night writing on my blog. But I feel all right with that. Cause I know where I want to go, and I can see the road ahead. Sure, I can't see what's around the corner, or if I'm going to get killed along the way. But I'm sure as hell gonna try.

My parents have these little refrigerator magnets on their... Well, fridge. The ones where they are words and you arrange them to say cute things. I spent like 20 minutes a year ago on one that they still have up on the fridge, it says, "99 percent of people never finish the race. All they have is the road, and they are much better for it."

I was pretty smart that day.

Enjoy it kids, take stock, and if it's shitty at the moment, I can guarantee you, there'll be better days ahead.

Remember, Remember the 7th of December...

2006-12-07T17:18:00.000-08:00

Not really, there's nothing particularly special about this day that I know of. I've eaten, I've written, I've organized (go figure), I've worked, and I've drawn breath from time to time. I haven't made money today, I haven't saved a life, I haven't taken a life, I haven't touched ocean water, nor have I seen my beautiful little nephew today. With 6 and a half hours left in the day, I can assume that I won't do much that will make the difference in my life or in others today. If I turned off the screen, and turned off the lights, as the sun goes down and if I listen to the Earth spin. I can imagine the world go on without me. Today, someone will die, someone will save someone else, someone will make a discovery, change a life, take a life, be born into life, smile, puke, have sex, make love, beat on a loved one, and try to take over the world.

But it won't be me, not today. Or so I think...

In truth, we all make are marks, every day, not chisels mind you, or deep scores in the marble of life. But a nick here and there. Seems like you can't go through life without doing so, even if you try. These nicks will build, they will cause the marble to break away from the statue that you're searching for. It will knock the tree down eventually. For now, that slab of stone, that towering oak may seem too large to take on. But believe me, that splinter or sliver of stone that you take off today, will accumulate.

So fuck what I said.

Remember, remember the 7th of December, For whatever reasons you know naught. For that reason, though not pleasing, may be the change that you may wrought.

I'm Somebody's Bitch... I mean Uncle!!!

2006-11-08T20:54:00.000-08:00

Lucian Alvarenga. Welcome to our world Nephew. You'll grow to know nothing but love from us kid. Your Dad and Mom are very happy. And are incredibly lucky to have you little man.

Life will be interesting, hard, fun, amazing, strange, sad, happy, and weird. But you won't have to deal with it alone child. We will always be there for you.

Love you kid. You're a heart breaker.