There's a snake in my boot...

Last couple days, I've been out of it. Out of my head and senses. I can't imagine being on drugs. My mind's such an insane place as it is, I can't imagine drugs having an effect on me.

I let a mosquito bite me three times last night. Then I killed it. I don't know if that was cruel or not. But she ain't biting me anymore.

I just learned several months ago what a QWERTY keyboard is. You'd think they'd call it something else, that's really on the nose.

My hands move in slow motion, but they're going faster than I can see.

Nap time now... Later...

31, Day One...

So... First day.

A kick in the crotch. Life's funny that way. Let's see what tomorrow brings.

Getting old...

I turn 31 in a week. I am single. No kids. A writer/director currently not getting paid for writing or directing.

A third of my life behind me (maybe more).

Am I worried?

Nope, not one bit.

For I've lived more than most in my short time on this planet. And I'm grateful for it.

The end of this years brings so much change to my life.

Life for me, starts at 31.

See you guys there.

One really long day...

Did you know that there are fruit flies out there that only live 24 hours? It's true. From birth to death. They eat, sleep, mate, go through some fly adventure (not the slang 'fly' but no one's used that since the mid 90's), and then die.

Such an interesting concept of time these flies might have. Or they may just not pay any mind to the passage of time, or care of their own existence.

Sometimes, I can envy a fruit fly.

But it can only be that, cause I am aware of my own existence. However, the passage of time, seems like I can cheat on that one.

I had an amazing week. Chock it up to one really long fruit fly day.

For now, anyway.

The pursuit of Happiness...

It's an interesting theory when you think about it. What is Happiness in its most biological sense?

The brain receives information that is converted into electrical impulses. These impulses electrifies and stimulates the organ that is your brain which in turns releases certain chemicals. The balance of these chemicals are crucial. When they secrete and rush into your system, its euphoric. The initial surge makes you smile wider than you normally would, makes your heart palpitate a bit faster, and sends a tingle through your body. The body, once used to the chemical flux, will return to a sense of calm, but a pleasant one.

Is this Happiness? If so, then a drug will give you the same result, no?

Then why the term 'The pursuit of happiness'? Does the body look for happiness? Do we as beings need it so badly that we have to search for it? Search for images, smells, sounds, anything discernable that will fill a void in our chemical make up?

Is it a constructural flaw? Are we built to search from the get-go?

Happiness can come in so many forms, but ironically it never comes, it must be sought. I've found mine. I hope you find yours.

It's been a long time... I shouldn't have left you...

Wow, close to two months with no post? My bad. For all three of you who read this blog.

Been quite busy with life and work. I've got a lot of headway done on the sci-fi script, its been a large undertaking, but it's been very worth it.

Went for a long walk around Golden Gate Park today, went to The Japanese Tea Garden, The Museum, the usual. Once in a while, I remember why I love this town so much.

This is the view from my window where I write.


Love this town...

godplex still lives...

So I've been debating whether or not to post the whole film of Godplex on my website (once I get it up and running), the film is 3 years old now, but it is the last short film I did.

I figured if there's enough demand, I'll put it up there, in the meantime, hope you guys liked the trailer we put together for it.

The lack of buzz...

Working on this sci-fi script, and getting into all things sci (not so much fi), I ran into this little bit of shocking news.

Last fall, the nation's beekeepers watched in horror as more than a quarter of their 2.4 million colonies collapsed, killing billions of nature's little fertilizers.

Mysterious events in recent months have suddenly made Einstein's apocalyptic vision seem all the more topical. For unknown reasons, bee populations throughout Germany are disappearing -- something that is so far only harming beekeepers. But the situation is different in the United States, where bees are dying in such dramatic numbers that the economic consequences could soon be dire. No one knows what is causing the bees to perish, but some experts believe that the large-scale use of genetically modified plants in the US could be a factor.

Why is this of concern? Albert Einstein once said, "If the bee disappeared off the surface of the globe, then man would only have four years of life left. No more bees, no more pollination, no more plants, no more animals, no more man."

They can't seem to find the bodies which is the weird thing, they just find the hives were the offspring die off slowy.

Millions of bees have simply vanished. In most cases, all that's left in the hives are the doomed offspring. But dead bees are nowhere to be found -- neither in nor anywhere close to the hives. Diana Cox-Foster, a member of the CCD Working Group, told The Independent that researchers were "extremely alarmed," adding that the crisis "has the potential to devastate the US beekeeping industry."

It is particularly worrisome, she said, that the bees' death is accompanied by a set of symptoms "which does not seem to match anything in the literature."

In many cases, scientists have found evidence of almost all known bee viruses in the few surviving bees found in the hives after most have disappeared. Some had five or six infections at the same time and were infested with fungi -- a sign, experts say, that the insects' immune system may have collapsed.

The scientists are also surprised that bees and other insects usually leave the abandoned hives untouched. Nearby bee populations or parasites would normally raid the honey and pollen stores of colonies that have died for other reasons, such as excessive winter cold. "This suggests that there is something toxic in the colony itself which is repelling them," says Cox-Foster.

I hope we figure out the problem (which we caused obviously) before it's way too damn late.

Though, the way things have been going. It looks like we're near.

Damn global warming.

Been a strange month. A lot of things going on, and a lot of things not finishing up.

First on the list of things that haven't been finished is the new script. And not because of lack of not wanting to write, just been so incredibly busy, haven't had a chance to write.

You may say, "Well, you've got a moment now Shakespeare! Get thee to a scribery!"

Well, to those people I say, "Shut up! That's why!"

And I've been a week without an internet connection. That was very scary. After a week of telling Earthlink that it's not my fault it's theirs. They finally realized their snafu and fixed the problem for the most part.

Along with one of my ex's sending me an email and telling me how happy she is with her new boyfriend, to my other ex going nuts. It's been quite a strange ride this month.

But just like mother nature, I'll get my ducks in a row. Things will get back to normal, and all will be right with the world.


Eventually...

Carry on my wayward son...

Last couples of weeks have been a bitch. Writing and helping out my grandmother at her deli while my grandfather's on vacation has left me with a couple hours of sleep a night.

Needless to say, I'm drained.

But not as drained as my good friends J and Onny, who had a healthy baby girl this past Saturday. My best to them.

Will update next week with deadline I've got going.

Captain America... No More...

I read this today...

Captain America will continue to be published despite the very real death of Steve Rogers. In May, Captain America #26 will reveal the aftermath of his death, beginning with the autopsy of his body. This is no hoax - Captain America, Steve Rogers, is dead.

I'm tired of being, just sad. Here's my farewell to Captain America.

When your time comes to die, be not like those whose hearts are filled with fear of death, so that when their time comes they weep and pray for a little more time to live their lives over again in a different way. Sing your death song, and die like a hero going home. - Tecumseh

I was a kid. Maybe 8 or 9. I think that's when I first saw this round shield with a star. Red, white, and blue. Didn't have a clue what it was. But, it was iconic.

It wasn't until I was about 12 years old, that I was first introduced to Captain America. At the time, mutants had my attention. I really didn't bother with Captain America. He had a shield and super strength, but Wolverine had claws. As I went to comic book stores off and on in my teens. There was one incident that stood out as my reintroduction to Cap.

I see an issue.



I asked the guy at the counter. "He quit?"

To which he replied, "Yeah, yeah he did."

It was strange for me that Super Heroes could quit being Super Heroes. It boggled my mind. I had to ask.

"Why the hell would he quit? Isn't he supposed to be all about the U.S.?" I get a scowl look from him.

"No dude. He's not about the U.S. He's about what the U.S. should stand for. He's about freedom, and liberty. They tried to take that away from Captain America. He wouldn't stand for it."

At the time, I couldn't separate the ideals of this country and the country. I thought they went hand-in-hand. Well, it is better to be ignorant than mistaken.

There began my quest to learn about the man with little wings on his cowl.

A scrawny teenager, sickened by what he saw on newsreel footage in the 40's about the Nazis. Tries to join the Army. Because of his frailty, they rejected him. But he didn't take no for an answer. He wanted to be a soldier. Let me say that again. He WANTED to be a Soldier. Because of the death and atrocities he saw, he wanted to fight for what was right.

In comes Operation: Rebirth. Where he was supposed to be one, in an Army of many super soldiers. Fate made him an Army of One. A shining beacon of all that is right in humanity. Fate again, freezes him, sacrificing himself yet again for us.

Nature abhors a hero. For one thing, he violates the law of conservation of energy. For another, how can it be the survival of the fittest when the fittest keeps putting himself in situations where he is most likely to be creamed? - Solomon Short

Decades later. The Avengers, thanks to Namor, unfreeze Captain America and Cap rejoins the fight for the good fight.

What made Steve Rogers different? His power was no accident. He's not an alien crashed to Earth, he's not a man born with powers, he's not chosen to be whatever.

No Sirs and Ma'ams. Steve wanted to fight. And if not for the grace of Dr. Abraham Erskine. I can guarantee you, Steve Rogers would have fought nail and tooth. And would have been a Hero. A Super one at that.

I continued on my path of following those who I held near and dear. The X-Men, Superman, Batman. Always an aspect of the outcast making good.

Captain America, I can say, I didn't follow closely. Why? Because, he was absolutely perfect. He was the rock that the waters broke their waves on. He never blunted. Captain America was my beacon. Spidey, you having issues? Cap has lost all he has held dear, and fights still. Mutants, your civil rights being violated? I can guarantee you Cap will have your back. Avengers, Assemble! And if Cap's in, there's nothing to fear.

Civil War...

Cap. I was with you. The whole time. I never once questioned the freedom you fought for. The hand they forced you to take. Suffering the betrayal of your closest friends. Iron Man should have left you frozen, if all he was going to do years later was betray what he knew you would never stand for. Some futurist.

And at the bitter end. Something strange happened Cap. You stopped fighting. You knew where you were, I know you did. You knew what would happen wherever you get that many heroes fighting. Cap, you were wrong. You were still fighting for us. You were fighting for those of us who believe in you. You stayed your hand from killing Castle, you stayed your hand from kill Stark. You didn't start this. They did. Captain America. You saw the tragedy around you. And as the man who puts the weight of the world on your shoulders. You blamed yourself. I saw the tears in your eyes. And in that moment of grief, of those cops and paramedics holding you back. You blamed yourself. You believed by surrendering; by finally surrendering to a government who tried to take your identity and freedom solely from you years ago, that you would save your friends, both those who fought against you and beside you by revealing yourself now, and surrendering.

They took you to jail. They treated you like that shield that has saved us countless times, didn't matter anymore. I am ashamed. I am ashamed of what we let allow happen. I know you took it on yourself Cap. That you felt you were saving us once again.

Captain America... We should have saved you...

I woke up Wednesday morning. I heard it first from Matt from this board. I went numb. I didn't think it was real. I didn't think that They would do this. Not now. Not without being able to hear from you first.

I saw you shot. I saw you sacrifice yourself again. And as you laid there. Your concern was for others.

Captain America... Steve Rogers... You were too good for this world. You deserved better than us. They wanted to make you a martyr. Those sons of a bitches forgot. You were already a Super Hero.

Many will come, they will pick up your shield. They will put on your colors. But they won't be you. And no one could ever handle your shield like you did.

Rest In Peace Steve Rogers. Captain America.

O CAPTAIN! my Captain! our fearful trip is done;
The ship has weather’d every rack, the prize we sought is won;
The port is near, the bells I hear, the people all exulting,
While follow eyes the steady keel, the vessel grim and daring:
But O heart! heart! heart!
O the bleeding drops of red,
Where on the deck my Captain lies,
Fallen cold and dead.

O Captain! my Captain! rise up and hear the bells;
Rise up—for you the flag is flung—for you the bugle trills;
For you bouquets and ribbon’d wreaths—for you the shores a-crowding;
For you they call, the swaying mass, their eager faces turning;
Here Captain! dear father!
This arm beneath your head;
It is some dream that on the deck,
You’ve fallen cold and dead.


My Captain does not answer, his lips are pale and still;
My father does not feel my arm, he has no pulse nor will;
The ship is anchor’d safe and sound, its voyage closed and done;
From fearful trip, the victor ship, comes in with object won;
Exult, O shores, and ring, O bells!
But I, with mournful tread,
Walk the deck my Captain lies,
Fallen cold and dead.

WHERE THE FUCK WAS UATU? :(

Man of Constant Sorrow...

I'm not a man who has done all the right moves. But I am a man who has followed his heart. And I can clearly say, that all I have done I have done it out of love.

I may have stumbled along the way. Hell, I may have come close to giving up at times. But my heart, I feel, has tried to lead me in the right place.

Love...

Fuck if it ain't a bitch sometimes.

Happy Valentine's.

Space the final frontier... Unless you count that place beyond it...

I've been sci-fi crazy this week, and pretty much all of the rest of the month. I've got one month left to finish this script. I'm pretty excited about this one. It's my first epic. Not worried about it. Hell, Lucas' first big hit was an epic sci-fi. Unlike Star Wars though, my little story involves the science of space, not just the imagination of what-ifs.

I feel the audience today want more. I feel that they want plausibility of what they see on the screen when talking about the future.

How pissed were people in the 50's when they believed they were going to get the 'flying car' by the year 2000?

Heh, I guess by that time they really didn't care. Or the reality just made them bitter. It's sad when people lose their imaginations, their dreams. Reality is a harsh mistress, but that doesn't mean you give up on your dreams.


Just means you try harder.

Wanna see something cute?

My nephew rules. That's all I have to say.

January 1st, 2007...

It is 4:17am as I write this. I am a bit inebriated. And I just got home. As I was coming out of my car door, I met a guy walking down the stree. I said, hi, he said hi. I told him, I'm just getting home. He laughed and said, "It's going to be a helluva year." I smiled, and looked at him and said, "Yes Sir, it definitely is. Take care of yourself."

Happy New Year! This is so my year.

Life...

I look back on the pain in my life. I look back at the 9 years I've been working in film professionally (to some degree or another, hey writing is work fuckers). And even with the heartaches that life throws at me. Even with the missed opportunities that I wish I would have taken up on. With all the bad, and the sporadic good.

I don't think I could have wanted my life to turn out any different. It's made me into the person I am today. Sure, I am up alone at night writing on my blog. But I feel all right with that. Cause I know where I want to go, and I can see the road ahead. Sure, I can't see what's around the corner, or if I'm going to get killed along the way. But I'm sure as hell gonna try.

My parents have these little refrigerator magnets on their... Well, fridge. The ones where they are words and you arrange them to say cute things. I spent like 20 minutes a year ago on one that they still have up on the fridge, it says, "99 percent of people never finish the race. All they have is the road, and they are much better for it."

I was pretty smart that day.

Enjoy it kids, take stock, and if it's shitty at the moment, I can guarantee you, there'll be better days ahead.

Remember, Remember the 7th of December...

Not really, there's nothing particularly special about this day that I know of. I've eaten, I've written, I've organized (go figure), I've worked, and I've drawn breath from time to time. I haven't made money today, I haven't saved a life, I haven't taken a life, I haven't touched ocean water, nor have I seen my beautiful little nephew today. With 6 and a half hours left in the day, I can assume that I won't do much that will make the difference in my life or in others today. If I turned off the screen, and turned off the lights, as the sun goes down and if I listen to the Earth spin. I can imagine the world go on without me. Today, someone will die, someone will save someone else, someone will make a discovery, change a life, take a life, be born into life, smile, puke, have sex, make love, beat on a loved one, and try to take over the world.

But it won't be me, not today. Or so I think...

In truth, we all make are marks, every day, not chisels mind you, or deep scores in the marble of life. But a nick here and there. Seems like you can't go through life without doing so, even if you try. These nicks will build, they will cause the marble to break away from the statue that you're searching for. It will knock the tree down eventually. For now, that slab of stone, that towering oak may seem too large to take on. But believe me, that splinter or sliver of stone that you take off today, will accumulate.

So fuck what I said.

Remember, remember the 7th of December, For whatever reasons you know naught. For that reason, though not pleasing, may be the change that you may wrought.

I'm Somebody's Bitch... I mean Uncle!!!

Lucian Alvarenga. Welcome to our world Nephew. You'll grow to know nothing but love from us kid. Your Dad and Mom are very happy. And are incredibly lucky to have you little man.

Life will be interesting, hard, fun, amazing, strange, sad, happy, and weird. But you won't have to deal with it alone child. We will always be there for you.

Love you kid. You're a heart breaker.

You know it's hard out here for a Gamer...

In the next couple of months. Gears of War, Killzone, Wii, Legend of Zelda, Smackdown VS Raw 2007, Guitar Hero II, Superman Returns, and a slew of other games come out.

Kinda hard on the wallet. But man, it's gonna be exciting as hell.

It seems that games and watching flicks are my only real chances to relax and enjoy myself lately. And of course sex. There's always that.

Either way, good times are gonna be had pretty soon.

Octoberfest, Oktoberfest, 8berfest...

You know I've come close to posting this past month like 5 times. And each time, I've just given deleted what I was going to talk about. It's not that I haven't been able to find anything interesting to talk about, but that I've been in the grind of writing lately that I don't have any real updates. I spent two hours the other day picking out names for the characters in the Sci-fi script I'm working on. I'm up in the air right now as for the short film I was going to film this end of year. It was going to be the Western, but I may do another that I was inspired to come up with. I'm gonna fuck around with that a little more. I'm sussing out the timeline for the comic script I wanna do. I'm trying to figure out which script to do after the Sci-fi one is done. I have about 4 ideas up in the air. One's a kid movie. The other's a comedy. The other's a romantic comedy. And the other is Legend of Fucking Zelda. Though the last one I would love to do, the thing is, everyone and their momma's got a LoZ script. And I really don't think Nintendo's going to allow that movie to happen any time soon.

I'm getting over being sick right now, the flu tried to hit, but only got in about half way. Some weird bug going around. My brother and his wife are due pretty soon with a bundle of joy. I can't wait to see my brother watch his wife go through the birthing process. That'll be fun.

But other than that, it feels like this past month was just a grind. Next month for some reason I'm stoked for. Not just for the shit load of games that come out, along with the Wii system. But I'll have made some great progress with the scripts I'm working on.

So now that I got off my chest, that I don't have anything interesting to say for last month. I've got some interesting shit to talk about in the post above this one, so if you're reading this one, forgive the boredom you now feel. And if it's up, take a look at the story above this one, that shit's gonna be cool. In the meantime, I leave you with this random image that I decided to put up for the hell of it.