Carry on my wayward son...

Last couples of weeks have been a bitch. Writing and helping out my grandmother at her deli while my grandfather's on vacation has left me with a couple hours of sleep a night.

Needless to say, I'm drained.

But not as drained as my good friends J and Onny, who had a healthy baby girl this past Saturday. My best to them.

Will update next week with deadline I've got going.

Captain America... No More...

I read this today...

Captain America will continue to be published despite the very real death of Steve Rogers. In May, Captain America #26 will reveal the aftermath of his death, beginning with the autopsy of his body. This is no hoax - Captain America, Steve Rogers, is dead.

I'm tired of being, just sad. Here's my farewell to Captain America.

When your time comes to die, be not like those whose hearts are filled with fear of death, so that when their time comes they weep and pray for a little more time to live their lives over again in a different way. Sing your death song, and die like a hero going home. - Tecumseh

I was a kid. Maybe 8 or 9. I think that's when I first saw this round shield with a star. Red, white, and blue. Didn't have a clue what it was. But, it was iconic.

It wasn't until I was about 12 years old, that I was first introduced to Captain America. At the time, mutants had my attention. I really didn't bother with Captain America. He had a shield and super strength, but Wolverine had claws. As I went to comic book stores off and on in my teens. There was one incident that stood out as my reintroduction to Cap.

I see an issue.



I asked the guy at the counter. "He quit?"

To which he replied, "Yeah, yeah he did."

It was strange for me that Super Heroes could quit being Super Heroes. It boggled my mind. I had to ask.

"Why the hell would he quit? Isn't he supposed to be all about the U.S.?" I get a scowl look from him.

"No dude. He's not about the U.S. He's about what the U.S. should stand for. He's about freedom, and liberty. They tried to take that away from Captain America. He wouldn't stand for it."

At the time, I couldn't separate the ideals of this country and the country. I thought they went hand-in-hand. Well, it is better to be ignorant than mistaken.

There began my quest to learn about the man with little wings on his cowl.

A scrawny teenager, sickened by what he saw on newsreel footage in the 40's about the Nazis. Tries to join the Army. Because of his frailty, they rejected him. But he didn't take no for an answer. He wanted to be a soldier. Let me say that again. He WANTED to be a Soldier. Because of the death and atrocities he saw, he wanted to fight for what was right.

In comes Operation: Rebirth. Where he was supposed to be one, in an Army of many super soldiers. Fate made him an Army of One. A shining beacon of all that is right in humanity. Fate again, freezes him, sacrificing himself yet again for us.

Nature abhors a hero. For one thing, he violates the law of conservation of energy. For another, how can it be the survival of the fittest when the fittest keeps putting himself in situations where he is most likely to be creamed? - Solomon Short

Decades later. The Avengers, thanks to Namor, unfreeze Captain America and Cap rejoins the fight for the good fight.

What made Steve Rogers different? His power was no accident. He's not an alien crashed to Earth, he's not a man born with powers, he's not chosen to be whatever.

No Sirs and Ma'ams. Steve wanted to fight. And if not for the grace of Dr. Abraham Erskine. I can guarantee you, Steve Rogers would have fought nail and tooth. And would have been a Hero. A Super one at that.

I continued on my path of following those who I held near and dear. The X-Men, Superman, Batman. Always an aspect of the outcast making good.

Captain America, I can say, I didn't follow closely. Why? Because, he was absolutely perfect. He was the rock that the waters broke their waves on. He never blunted. Captain America was my beacon. Spidey, you having issues? Cap has lost all he has held dear, and fights still. Mutants, your civil rights being violated? I can guarantee you Cap will have your back. Avengers, Assemble! And if Cap's in, there's nothing to fear.

Civil War...

Cap. I was with you. The whole time. I never once questioned the freedom you fought for. The hand they forced you to take. Suffering the betrayal of your closest friends. Iron Man should have left you frozen, if all he was going to do years later was betray what he knew you would never stand for. Some futurist.

And at the bitter end. Something strange happened Cap. You stopped fighting. You knew where you were, I know you did. You knew what would happen wherever you get that many heroes fighting. Cap, you were wrong. You were still fighting for us. You were fighting for those of us who believe in you. You stayed your hand from killing Castle, you stayed your hand from kill Stark. You didn't start this. They did. Captain America. You saw the tragedy around you. And as the man who puts the weight of the world on your shoulders. You blamed yourself. I saw the tears in your eyes. And in that moment of grief, of those cops and paramedics holding you back. You blamed yourself. You believed by surrendering; by finally surrendering to a government who tried to take your identity and freedom solely from you years ago, that you would save your friends, both those who fought against you and beside you by revealing yourself now, and surrendering.

They took you to jail. They treated you like that shield that has saved us countless times, didn't matter anymore. I am ashamed. I am ashamed of what we let allow happen. I know you took it on yourself Cap. That you felt you were saving us once again.

Captain America... We should have saved you...

I woke up Wednesday morning. I heard it first from Matt from this board. I went numb. I didn't think it was real. I didn't think that They would do this. Not now. Not without being able to hear from you first.

I saw you shot. I saw you sacrifice yourself again. And as you laid there. Your concern was for others.

Captain America... Steve Rogers... You were too good for this world. You deserved better than us. They wanted to make you a martyr. Those sons of a bitches forgot. You were already a Super Hero.

Many will come, they will pick up your shield. They will put on your colors. But they won't be you. And no one could ever handle your shield like you did.

Rest In Peace Steve Rogers. Captain America.

O CAPTAIN! my Captain! our fearful trip is done;
The ship has weather’d every rack, the prize we sought is won;
The port is near, the bells I hear, the people all exulting,
While follow eyes the steady keel, the vessel grim and daring:
But O heart! heart! heart!
O the bleeding drops of red,
Where on the deck my Captain lies,
Fallen cold and dead.

O Captain! my Captain! rise up and hear the bells;
Rise up—for you the flag is flung—for you the bugle trills;
For you bouquets and ribbon’d wreaths—for you the shores a-crowding;
For you they call, the swaying mass, their eager faces turning;
Here Captain! dear father!
This arm beneath your head;
It is some dream that on the deck,
You’ve fallen cold and dead.


My Captain does not answer, his lips are pale and still;
My father does not feel my arm, he has no pulse nor will;
The ship is anchor’d safe and sound, its voyage closed and done;
From fearful trip, the victor ship, comes in with object won;
Exult, O shores, and ring, O bells!
But I, with mournful tread,
Walk the deck my Captain lies,
Fallen cold and dead.

WHERE THE FUCK WAS UATU? :(

Man of Constant Sorrow...

I'm not a man who has done all the right moves. But I am a man who has followed his heart. And I can clearly say, that all I have done I have done it out of love.

I may have stumbled along the way. Hell, I may have come close to giving up at times. But my heart, I feel, has tried to lead me in the right place.

Love...

Fuck if it ain't a bitch sometimes.

Happy Valentine's.

Space the final frontier... Unless you count that place beyond it...

I've been sci-fi crazy this week, and pretty much all of the rest of the month. I've got one month left to finish this script. I'm pretty excited about this one. It's my first epic. Not worried about it. Hell, Lucas' first big hit was an epic sci-fi. Unlike Star Wars though, my little story involves the science of space, not just the imagination of what-ifs.

I feel the audience today want more. I feel that they want plausibility of what they see on the screen when talking about the future.

How pissed were people in the 50's when they believed they were going to get the 'flying car' by the year 2000?

Heh, I guess by that time they really didn't care. Or the reality just made them bitter. It's sad when people lose their imaginations, their dreams. Reality is a harsh mistress, but that doesn't mean you give up on your dreams.


Just means you try harder.

Wanna see something cute?

My nephew rules. That's all I have to say.

January 1st, 2007...

It is 4:17am as I write this. I am a bit inebriated. And I just got home. As I was coming out of my car door, I met a guy walking down the stree. I said, hi, he said hi. I told him, I'm just getting home. He laughed and said, "It's going to be a helluva year." I smiled, and looked at him and said, "Yes Sir, it definitely is. Take care of yourself."

Happy New Year! This is so my year.

Life...

I look back on the pain in my life. I look back at the 9 years I've been working in film professionally (to some degree or another, hey writing is work fuckers). And even with the heartaches that life throws at me. Even with the missed opportunities that I wish I would have taken up on. With all the bad, and the sporadic good.

I don't think I could have wanted my life to turn out any different. It's made me into the person I am today. Sure, I am up alone at night writing on my blog. But I feel all right with that. Cause I know where I want to go, and I can see the road ahead. Sure, I can't see what's around the corner, or if I'm going to get killed along the way. But I'm sure as hell gonna try.

My parents have these little refrigerator magnets on their... Well, fridge. The ones where they are words and you arrange them to say cute things. I spent like 20 minutes a year ago on one that they still have up on the fridge, it says, "99 percent of people never finish the race. All they have is the road, and they are much better for it."

I was pretty smart that day.

Enjoy it kids, take stock, and if it's shitty at the moment, I can guarantee you, there'll be better days ahead.

Remember, Remember the 7th of December...

Not really, there's nothing particularly special about this day that I know of. I've eaten, I've written, I've organized (go figure), I've worked, and I've drawn breath from time to time. I haven't made money today, I haven't saved a life, I haven't taken a life, I haven't touched ocean water, nor have I seen my beautiful little nephew today. With 6 and a half hours left in the day, I can assume that I won't do much that will make the difference in my life or in others today. If I turned off the screen, and turned off the lights, as the sun goes down and if I listen to the Earth spin. I can imagine the world go on without me. Today, someone will die, someone will save someone else, someone will make a discovery, change a life, take a life, be born into life, smile, puke, have sex, make love, beat on a loved one, and try to take over the world.

But it won't be me, not today. Or so I think...

In truth, we all make are marks, every day, not chisels mind you, or deep scores in the marble of life. But a nick here and there. Seems like you can't go through life without doing so, even if you try. These nicks will build, they will cause the marble to break away from the statue that you're searching for. It will knock the tree down eventually. For now, that slab of stone, that towering oak may seem too large to take on. But believe me, that splinter or sliver of stone that you take off today, will accumulate.

So fuck what I said.

Remember, remember the 7th of December, For whatever reasons you know naught. For that reason, though not pleasing, may be the change that you may wrought.

I'm Somebody's Bitch... I mean Uncle!!!

Lucian Alvarenga. Welcome to our world Nephew. You'll grow to know nothing but love from us kid. Your Dad and Mom are very happy. And are incredibly lucky to have you little man.

Life will be interesting, hard, fun, amazing, strange, sad, happy, and weird. But you won't have to deal with it alone child. We will always be there for you.

Love you kid. You're a heart breaker.

You know it's hard out here for a Gamer...

In the next couple of months. Gears of War, Killzone, Wii, Legend of Zelda, Smackdown VS Raw 2007, Guitar Hero II, Superman Returns, and a slew of other games come out.

Kinda hard on the wallet. But man, it's gonna be exciting as hell.

It seems that games and watching flicks are my only real chances to relax and enjoy myself lately. And of course sex. There's always that.

Either way, good times are gonna be had pretty soon.

Octoberfest, Oktoberfest, 8berfest...

You know I've come close to posting this past month like 5 times. And each time, I've just given deleted what I was going to talk about. It's not that I haven't been able to find anything interesting to talk about, but that I've been in the grind of writing lately that I don't have any real updates. I spent two hours the other day picking out names for the characters in the Sci-fi script I'm working on. I'm up in the air right now as for the short film I was going to film this end of year. It was going to be the Western, but I may do another that I was inspired to come up with. I'm gonna fuck around with that a little more. I'm sussing out the timeline for the comic script I wanna do. I'm trying to figure out which script to do after the Sci-fi one is done. I have about 4 ideas up in the air. One's a kid movie. The other's a comedy. The other's a romantic comedy. And the other is Legend of Fucking Zelda. Though the last one I would love to do, the thing is, everyone and their momma's got a LoZ script. And I really don't think Nintendo's going to allow that movie to happen any time soon.

I'm getting over being sick right now, the flu tried to hit, but only got in about half way. Some weird bug going around. My brother and his wife are due pretty soon with a bundle of joy. I can't wait to see my brother watch his wife go through the birthing process. That'll be fun.

But other than that, it feels like this past month was just a grind. Next month for some reason I'm stoked for. Not just for the shit load of games that come out, along with the Wii system. But I'll have made some great progress with the scripts I'm working on.

So now that I got off my chest, that I don't have anything interesting to say for last month. I've got some interesting shit to talk about in the post above this one, so if you're reading this one, forgive the boredom you now feel. And if it's up, take a look at the story above this one, that shit's gonna be cool. In the meantime, I leave you with this random image that I decided to put up for the hell of it.

My Future's So Bright, I Gotta Wear Shades...

Writing...

What does it consist of?

What, in its nits and grits, does it boil down to?

I guess every writer has his/her definitions. So let's talk about me for a change in this blog. What does it boil down to for myself.

Well, I guess it comes down to my ideal. I write how I ideally think the world should be, or rather how I believe the world will work in certain circumstances. It sounds nice, but it gets strange when I delve into that theory.

It means that when I write about a woman who allows herself to be purposely raped. I put myself in that situation, and make it as uncomfortable as possible for myself, because ideally, that's what I'm looking for in this scenario.

It means when I kill one of my characters out of pure and utter hatred. I murder them in the best way that fits for that situation.

But, along with the negative, I write the positive. And I've come to a realization. I live in my writing world. At least in my mind.

This world is gorgeous, but oft times, people can make it down right ugly. I write about a world that we want it to be, but more to the fact, I live in my pretty world with all of its nastiness.

Ideals are sometimes confused with the lie. I don't write lies. Lies are things that aren't true. Ideals can be true, and on rare occasions, are true.

We strive for the ideal. And I write about it, but also reside in it. I think this throws a lot of people off when I talk to them about my life and my view of the world.

I understand the realities and accept them. But I'll never stop living in a better world. It's nicer (and sometimes scarier) here.

Thirty Something...

How many 30 year olds do you know? Well, now I know one more, me. This weekend was my birthday. Thirty years old... What can I say? What have I learned? What tidbits of knowledge can I pass down to the younger generation?


Nothing...

Go learn it yourself, you're going to do what you're going to do anyway.

Toothpaste & Lube...

That is what I went to go pick up today at Walgreens. The look on the face of the woman behind the counter lasted for a split second as she held a bottle of lube in her hand, realizing what she had. I wonder if she thought both items were in correlation of each other? I wonder if she wondered if I knew something she didn't? Tonight, I may have envoked a Walgreens check out girl to buy a bottle of lube and toothpaste. Tomorrow's headlines may be interesting folks. Stay tuned to the world.

Some people call me, Space Cowboy...

They really don't, but I'm going to start asking some people to begin to do so. You know, working on this new Sci-Fi script has been intriguing as all hell.

My days are spent for the most part in research mode and notes; and my nights are taken up by actual writing on the script.

What's so much fun is the research, or rather what I've been learning about the Universe. It's easy to see how people can just as easily confuse the wonders of the natural world around them, with religion. The difference of course is that, unlike religion, the natural world doesn't just stop being amazing around them. I mean, when was the last time you followed a burning bush that wasn't someone smoking weed, or a hooker with a venereal disease?
For example, this image.

This is the Lenticular Galaxy, in the constellation Draco. It's 44 million light-years away(for those unfamiliar with light years. A light year is the speed of traveling for one year, at the speed of light, and the speed of light is 186,000 miles/second, so times that by 44 million, and that's how far you have to travel). This image is a composite of many separate exposures made in February 11, 2006 by the ACS instrument on the Hubble Space Telescope using several different filters. It was a 2.5 hour exposure.

All the tech shit aside, this thing is absolutely beautiful. No burning bush, no parting of the Red Sea, no killing the first born, no doctrine, no manifesto. Just nature in all of it's glory. I can see why people can get the two confused. Here's how you can tell. One is fiction, a book written by people so scared when they are confronted by an image like the one you see here, all they can do is drop to their knees and pray to it. The other, is fact. That this galaxy, in all of its beauty, is a massive twirling mass of gas and matter. Does it make it any less spectacular?

fortune favors the living

People are confused about a new email in their inboxes announcing, among other things, that Mars will be closer than ever in recorded history in August 2006. But, although it contains a grain of truth, this email is a hoax.

Mars is too close to the sun for safe viewing by amateur astronomers this month. Mars is visible with difficulty after sunset for the first two weeks of the month before becoming lost in the glare of the sun by month's end.

Back in 2003, Mars was the closest to Earth than it was going to be in our life times. I was fortunate enough to be aware of this knowledge, and had the joy of staring into the night sky and looking at this huge red dot.

It's strange when you think about the things that you have been fortunate (or unfortunate) enough to witness in your lifetime. I was alive to see the Berlin wall fall. I was alive to see the Space Shuttle disaster (both), I was alive to see us reach Mars (with an unmanned probe), I was alive to see a comet strike a planet, I was alive to see Tupac, B.I.G., Jam Master Jay, Eazy-E, die untimely deaths and utterly change rap music in their demise (it hasn't been the same since), I've been alive to witness two official wars (and several unofficial ones), and was alive to see one of the greatest natural and unnatural disasters in human history.


You'd think that with all the interesting shit that happens in this world, we'd find better things to write about than a Lady in The Water, or what You, Me, and Dupree are up to, or the dealings of a Little Man. These movies are mind-numbingly... Well, mind-numbing. But I guess they appeal to the cannon foddered masses.

Personally I'm excited about the end of this month. My girlfriend is gonna stay with me before she heads off to school. It's cool to show someone something for the first time that you have been used to all your life. You get to see it through their eyes. I love you Sara, I'm fortunate enough to have you in my life.

My Brother's Best Friend...

Has been put to sleep today. Snoop was in his later years, and fell sick last night. Today my brother held his little guy in his arms as they injected him. He felt his heart beat fade to stillness. One moment here, the next, gone. For almost ten years my brother had Snoop, took him from a family, from what I understand, mistreated Snoop. That dog was loved by all of us, but for my brother, Snoop was; Is; his best friend.

We like to think of ourselves as an intelligent species, the only form of life that can show emotion. We're fools for thinking that. Snoop loved my brother. Missed him when he was away, looked for him when he was at home. Was with him when he met his future wife. Probably was in the room while he consummated his future child. Okay, I'm kidding on that one (at least I hope so). Snoop was one of the sweetest animals (human or otherwise), that I have ever met. And I'm overwhelmed with joy, to have the memories I have with that little dog. And I'm going to tell you the best one I have.

My brother and I were sitting in the living room at my folks house. My little cousin was 7 or 8 months old, just barely able to walk. Snoop sauntered over to us as he usually does, trying to sneak in a seat on the couch, cause he wasn't allowed. My little cousin was holding himself up next to the coffee table. He had his little shirt on, and diapers, just hanging out with us. When lo and behold, Snoop walks over to my cousin, awkwardly knocks him down on his hands and knees, and begins to hump away at my cousin. At first I thought the little guy fell. But when I saw Snoop attempt to hump my cousin (the kid was wearing diapers, and Snoops a little dog, so he really couldn't get on him), I couldn't for the life of me, move him off. I was to damn busy laughing so fucking hard. The look on my little cousin's face of, 'What?' My brother also laughing his ass off. And Snoop, looking forward, and I could swear I heard him say, "You don't love me, you just love my 'Doggy-Style'."

Thank you Snoop, for bringing us such joy in our lives. Rest easy little guy.

You Like Me, You Really Like Me...

Found out this weekend that people actually read my blog. Go figure. Now I almost feel obligated to actually put something on here meriting a good read.

Almost...

I get a partially decent idea, and I opt instead to ramble on about how I just watched Superman.

By the way, I just watched Superman. Holy Fucking Christ, it rocked.

Loved the film with every last fiber of my fanboy heart. I got choked up a couple of times, because I once again believed, a man can fly.

Do yourselves a favor, and watch a great flick.

Speaking of flicks. I've been completely over my cold for the last couple of days (fucking a week sick, what the fuck is that about?), so I'm back at the grind. I'm awaiting a phone call, a letter, a text message, a pager message (the old school numeric kind), hell a smoke signal from the people who are dishing out the grants. They'll let me know either way, but Daddy gotta make a movie this end of Summer. And that's coming up soon. In the meantime, still gonna be working on the Sci-fi flick, and looking for that lucky agent who's gonna represent me.

For those who've read this, keep on reading (and post a response if you want). I'll start talking about nudity. And not my own.

Down and desperately wanting to be out.

I got a cold this past Monday, and the fever is finally breaking. Needless to say, I've been out of commission these last several days. Who'd have thought writing for a couple weeks straight with about a couple hours of sleep a day would eventually catch up with you?

Oh well, c'est la vie.

Done???

They call me Hadoken...cause I'm Down, Right, Fierce!
I had to post that, cause, well I'm a fucking geek.

Speaking of, now that the script's done. Here comes selling it.

And damn, if that ain't more work than writing the thing. I hate interacting with people, a curse of all writers I guess. But I feel weird calling up people and peddling myself to them.

But then I think about the money that's gonna come from this bad boy...

It's a good thing I've got a sexy voice, that's all I gotta say ;)