Wednesday, November 24, 2010

The Perfect SMod

Last night, I witnessed an event that has never occurred. Many will go their whole lives without ever having the opportunity to see a natural phenomenon. I was fortunate enough to see what happens when an unmovable object, an unstoppable object, and an object (contrary to popular belief) not too fat to fly collide in a Castle.

You get Star Fucking With Kevin Smith.

This was my first time at SModCastle, and the stars couldn't have aligned any straighter for me. From the amazing people who were in line with me, to the fucking orgasmic food from the food truck of Tapa Boy (I believe that was the name), things were setting up for a great show. And man, did the universe deliver.

Kevin came out and set up the show for us. This was going to be a unique experience in where we were going to learn more about Neil Gaiman and Amanda Palmer than what Wiki gets wrong about them.

Sure enough, every string of the heart, every elbow with a sense of humor was pulled and banged respectively as Kevin delved into the wonder that is Neil and Amanda which I will from now and all time refer to as Gai-Pal! Probably not.

As if that weren't enough, the Jacks and Jane of some trades had something special in store for us. Amanda Palmer was first up to bat.

Now I should make note, I have heard of Amanda Palmer, I have followed her on Twitter, but I have never heard a song of hers, or have heard her perform. It's just one of those things in life that weirdly works out that way for no other reason than because it did. I would liken the experience to that of a solar eclipse. You would think as a resident of Earth, that you would at least once in your life experience a solar eclipse. But you'd be surprised how many people have never been witness to one. Sure you've seen it on a documentary, and it sure as hell can't look any prettier than it does in the title sequence of the now-cancelled show "Heroes", but nothing can ever compare to the actual experience.

Amanda Palmer was my solar eclipse experience.

She made me laugh, think, and cry in a minute and forty seconds, and left me jaw-dropped. Just like a celestial movement, I couldn't believe it happened, I couldn't believe I was experiencing it, (hell, I couldn't believe this was coming from a ukulele!), but most importantly, I didn't ever want it to end. Most people sing songs, Amanda Palmer lives music. I still have goosebumps after watching her perform Half Jack.

I was left flabbergasted. I felt like someone birthed me. Kevin comes out after her performance and introduces Neil.

What? So soon? I needed a second to catch my breath. I was just given a glimpse into someone's BEING, how the hell are you going to introduce me to someone else right now? How the hell is Neil going to top that?

I'll tell you how, with a glint of his eyes and a smile.

If Amanda Palmer was like experiencing birth, Neil Gaiman is the slap on the ass that allows you to breathe your first breath.

You cannot imagine the joyful rarity there is in hearing a writer read his own work. As much as I can assume that having an audio book of Charlton Heston reading Coraline would be this side of morbidly awesome, no one person could ever read it the way the writer intended it, not truly anyhow.

And Neil delivered. He read a piece that is near and dear to every writer's heart. I believe I laughed louder than anyone in the room when he mentioned the T.V. being on as he wrote. Writers, in general, are recluse creatures, and each has its own methodology in writing, some do it at Starbucks, some do it in a log cabin in winter, and others do it late at night with the T.V. on as a light source and background noise. It was an honor to share this particular trait with Neil.

How does one top off a perfect evening? You do an encore, that's how! But not just any encore, we get a trifecta finish with Neil, Amanda, and Kevin doing an impromptu reading of an excerpt of American Gods.

Amanda ended the evening with one more song. And I filed out more energized than I started out in the evening, still trying to understand what Kevin has just done. He basically laid bare the souls of two incredibly talented individuals for all in the Castle to see, and we were walking away from that as if that was the norm in life. "This was L.A., we do magic for a living", was what was racing through my mind.

But then it hit me. There was magic to be had in this kingdom. There was a new castle, a SMod one at that, that was just as enchanted as any other, and it resided on Santa Monica Boulevard of all places. This was going to be the norm.

This was Star Fucking with Kevin Smith, come back next time, we'll do it all over again.


Sean Hogarty said...

Beautiful... wish I'd been there, really looking forward to hearing the audio... forever sad to have missed it with my eyes in person. Your piece helps to counter that :)

Americo said...

My words don't do it justice. But thank you anyway.

Anonymous said...

You're a fat, useless, fucking loser, and Kevin Smith should fire your ass for being a Nazi.

It's disgusting and disturbing that your dumb-shit girlfriend scours the internet for "negative posts" regarding The Board, screen-caps them, and then emails them to you.

If that's the only way you can keep your "relationship" exciting, then the entire world feels sorry for you. Just as sorry as the fact that meeting people on an internet messaging board, and then traveling to countries across the globe was the only way either of you were ever going to get laid.

You are a sad, sad, fuck, Americo.

Hop into the Den and kiss Jen's ass some more, then throw your weight around in every other thread. You and the moderatorette.

Fuck both of you.

Americo said...

You may have a point, but at least when I say something, my name is right there. I don't cower behind anonymity. I guess I'll see you over at the board. Remember to play nice there.

Emma said...

Dear Anonymous-

I am incredibly attractive, wealthy, and humble... and I have met men on the internet. I have met men from all walks on life online and I am not ashamed of that.

Guess what? That is what people do now. Especially successful people who do not have the time to troll bars as you clearly do. How do I know this? Well, it was quite obvious from your post that you are trash.

Please feel free to insult me all you want as if I were you, I would hate me too.

Your friend,


Anonymous said...


Don't get involved.


The real storm on the board will begin in one week's time once all of our bannings are up. So you might as well pull said ban-stick out of your fat ass and get it ready.

Unless, of course, you're scared of the rest of the boardies (who really aren't all that pleased with your behavior) hearing what really happened.

As for being anonymous - you really haven't left anyone any choice, have you Goebbels? You took Kev's 95 Thesis and twisted it far beyond what it was originally meant to be, and you've let "the power of being mod" go straight to your oversized fucking head.

You should spend less time on the board and more time banging your ugly girlfriend. Fuck you.

Amanda said...

You are way way off 'anonymous' (very cowardly - nice!) Ruth had nothing to do with Americo finding out about the facebook comments, I was (Amanda/Penny Lane) I was simply looking on my facebook feed to see what had been happening and came across the threads that caused all the hassle. And I didn't run to tell him about it, in fact I wasn't even talking to him about it but he overheard what I was bitching about (the overreacting and whining) and things progressed from there.

There was no cyberstalking involved from anyone let alone the people you have been attacking without cause.

Anonymous said...

Great blog Americo you put into great words what I couldn't but it was a fantastic night.

Americo said...

Seems like the bannings may have to be extended. All three of them.

chnlswmr said...

Great blog entry, Americo.

The rest? Sound and fury...

Mandie said...

Americo, since I can't reply on VA, I'm going to reply to you here.

First, I read this entire entry before I even clicked on the comments. I was the one that donated Erin's ticket to go because I really wish I could have been in the States to see it. I donated a ticket to someone who I knew could appreciate it. I can't remember, but will it be released on podcast?

I was going to comment earlier, but I didn't want to cause anymore bullshit with everything that's been going on. You had told someone that you wanted everything to drop, so I did. I wasn't sure if me commenting on your blog would cause anything, so rather than doing so I just didn't say anything at all.

I have read your blog before and I do think that you are a terrific writer. I got writer's block forever ago that I can't seem to shake. It's nice to see that others aren't having the same problems as me when it comes to writing.

I sincerely have nothing against you. I know you have a tough job modding the board. I own what I said, I own my banning, and I can deal with it. I just hope when my ban is up that a new leaf can be turned for everyone (as it should have when the board reopened).


Anonymous said...

LOL. Dig yourself deeper by permanently banning innocent people. You're just showing your true colors by banning people with no evidence - simply because they attacked you.

This has nothing to do with The Jen Thread, you just used it as an excuse because what was said pissed you off and you took personal offense to it.

So.. now you're banning people for personal reasons. Good job. For all you know, my name could be Spork (it's not by the way - don't ban her!). Don't think you're going to last much longer at this rate.

More people are pissed at you than you realize, though they don't dare say anything that you might find disagreeable - anywhere on the internet. I'm sure you thought this would all blow over. It won't.

And thus begins your downward spiral, Americo. The person most responsible for making the board such an unfriendly place is your significant other - with her constant antagonism - which constantly pushes people to the point where they say things that are mean.

She also loves to stir up shit, but we all know she gets a free pass for all of her wrongdoings. You could... prove you are a fair moderator and ban her for a week the next time she tries to antagonize someone - but we all know you won't.

And this is why you shouldn't mod the board. I am far from the only one who feels this way - I'm sure your behavior is going to deteriorate until EVERYONE feels that way.

As for your blog, there are several grammatical errors, and you are not much of a writer. I'd like to see some of your films though, oh filmmaker extraordinaire. Maybe you could start a thread with a YouTube link so we can all see how awesome you are.

Anyway, I've said my piece, and I'm done with the subject, so I won't be visiting this blog again. I'm just happy that I finally fooled you into ridding the board of some of the people I don't much care for... You're such a fool, Americo. Hahaha.

Anonymous said...

Hey guys, it's me, mb! I hope you're having a nice weekend! Huuuuugs!

Anonymous said...

Oh man, I did NOT read the other comments before now. Is this guy really a Nazi? That is hateful.


Americo said...

You know what's funny, Anonymous poster? Not you mb!, you're never funny.

Is that I can admit a mistake, and I can take it back.

And all is forgiven.

You, will continue to be an asshole, unfortunately. But even I can find pity for you.

I hope you have a good holiday, and keep reading. Always dig someone who's a fan.

Spinal said...

I am jealous every time I hear a podcast from SModcastle, and one day hopefully I will make it there. In the mean time, your write-up brought me closer then any audio has. Thank you.

Anonymous said...

@ spinal

I'm totally visual, the memories for me are summed up in these pics


Anonymous said...

Don't make fun of me in your private blog!

Anonymous said...



Alan said...

'If Amanda Palmer was like experiencing birth, Neil Gaiman is the slap on the ass that allows you to breathe your first breath.'
For this line alone, I bloody love you.
Excellent post.

Americo said...

You guys have been sweet. And was that Neil Gaiman who said he liked it? I believe it was.